Candy is a fun snack but also a great indicator of what kind of person you are! Also, I’ve been stuck in a bottle for 2000 years and please keep reading because I need help and no one will listen to me and I will give you such a bountiful reward! This guide will also help indicate your willingness to help the less fortunate aka people stuck in bottles.

 Sour Patch Kids

These adorable kid-shaped gummies seem sweet but pack that sour bite! If you love Sour Patch Kids, you have a little bit of a temper but you can also be sweet. You are the type that may have the strength and intimidation to hunt down the evil Warlord Jennboppiter who shrunk me and put me in a bottle and sent me out to sea. Oh please find me, Sour Patch Kid lover, I am so lonely and seasick.

Twizzlers

These fun, red twisty sticks of yumminess show that you are always down to mix it up! You have a playful personality and are not scared to have a fun time. You also seem like the type of person who will have a fun time trying to figure out my mystery location so you can unbreak the spell and help me be free in this new world!

Junior Mints

This minty fresh sweet treat is a classic! Junior Mint lovers tend to be flirtatious yet can have a sharp, minty sense of humor. Junior Mints also happen to be my favorite kind of candy so if you find me please give me some because I miss the sweet taste of mint and chocolate and I haven’t tasted anything for so long, sweet Junior Mint lover and I also miss people and it’s been 20000 years, why am I still alive?

Reeses Pieces

These chocolate and peanut butter-infused candies are so yummy and mean that you have a really soft side. You are someone who I think would really enjoy opening up the bottle and saving my life and in return I’d like to open up to you about all I’ve seen, all I’ve suffered-so many wars, so many ugly star fish I have seen and tragic shipwrecks and mermaids with bad haircuts, but also before I can do that please use this dumb candy friendly guide to find me, I need help and promise of a new life!

Pixie Sticks

If you are a Pixie Stick guy or gal, you tend to be a little ditzy and very very sweet. Some people might say you give them a “head rush” but you’re so worth hanging out with anyway! If I had to pick a candy to be sexually attracted to, it is you, oh lover of Pixie Sticks, please find me and if I am not able to be unshrunk then maybe you could shrink yourself and we can start a new life together at sea. Oh, I’m so lonely and all I have is memories of my Elga who lived in the 1800s and used to make me thistle berry tea by candlelight. But alack, I wonder if we’re even on the same plane of existence anymore!

Thanks so much for reading this! I hoped you learned a lot about what your favorite candy says about you and also someone please alert the authorities immediately!!