Networks And Studios Announce How They Plan To Resume Production On All Television

Hollywood’s production companies and studios have announced their plan to return to shooting, which was halted in entirety earlier this year. The executives at HBO, Netflix, and more have conferred and presented the following ways for each of their programs to resume filming, complying with all health and safety guidelines while making minimal changes to their many much-missed shows: 

Grey’s Anatomy

  • The ABC props department couldn’t obtain any PPE, so all the characters who were doctors are now reiki healers and psychics. 

Young Sheldon

  • A CGI-deaged Jim Parsons will be taking over the main role as the child actor is being legally forced to return to school. 

The Witcher

  • All sex scenes will now be filmed with Henry Cavill and a mannequin from the GAP. Netflix actually has been doing this since season one (they realized nobody was looking at the mannequin). 

Law & Order: SVU

  • The current season will be finished in claymation. Due to budget constraints, Ice-T will voice every single character. 

Falcon and the Winter Soldier

  • Marvel has stated that for the safety of their casts, actors will never be in the same room as each other nor film anywhere other than the green screen void. So, business as usual!

Supernatural

  • The CW has announced they are going to just replay the fourth season or something. They think it’s been long enough. They’re the ones who wrote it but they don’t even remember what it was about. 

The Ellen Show

  • Ellen will now videochat all guests from the safety of their homes. For her “Ellen Scares Celebrities” prank segments, her assistants have been learning how to break and enter.

The Walking Dead

  • Now replaced with footage of someone very slowly turning the pages of the graphic novel.

Grace and Frankie

  • TBD – Netflix hasn’t been able to get in touch with Jane Fonda and it’s because her grandkids are still helping her figure out how Zoom works. 

Succession

  • HBO has announced season three now revolves entirely around Cousin Greg moving to a secluded cabin and pondering life after California Pizza Kitchen files for bankruptcy. 

The Bachelorette

  • To respect social distancing guidelines, this season of The Bachelorette will forbid any kind of bodily contact. The participants will instead focus on building their relationships through meaningful conversations and vulnerability and will be squirted with a spray bottle if they try to touch each other.

Atlanta

  • FX says the second half of season three will take place entirely inside Darius’ mind, which actually sounds like it’s going to be sick. 

The Handmaid’s Tale

  • Hulu reportedly is very confident in their intern, Jason, and his ability to convey this season’s story using his collection of sock puppets. They have stated they believe in him and his claim that it will be “even better now.” 

Riverdale

  • Riverdale is canceled. They took away the sex scenes and realized there was nothing left but bad dye jobs and the old sets from Glee.

Game of Thrones

  • Surprise! HBO secretly re-scripted and reshot the entire eighth season and has been saving its release for a rainy day. Ha-ha, just kidding, but wouldn’t that be nice?

General Hospital

  • Now officially in podcast form! Because of budget constraints, Ice-T will voice every single character.

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