Imagined Criticism Of My Lectures On Early 20th Century American History By Late 20th Century Professional Wrestlers

I. My Lecture on the Election of 1912 is Criticized by Stone Cold Steve Austin
Or, 
Austin 19:12

I am at a lectern
my students listen intently
I proclaim
“In the end, what had the largest impact on electoral results was the split amongst Republicans caused by Theodore Roosevelt’s Bull Moose Party…”
I hear the sound of breaking glass
his entrance music has begun
I am kicked in the stomach
I lean forward in pain
my jaw is driven into his shoulder
this is a Stone Cold Stunner
I lay prostrate
no one comes to my aid
middle fingers are flashed before my face
I concede
“Fair point, Steve. It’s possible I overlooked the popularity of Woodrow Wilson’s platform of progressive reform.”
a sudsy can is tossed to him
he angrily showers me with beer

II. My Lecture on the Ratification of the 19th Amendment is Criticized by The Undertaker
Or,
Rest…in…Passage (of Women’s Suffrage)

I am writing on the board
my students take notes
I proclaim
“And so, the three-fourths majority necessary for ratification came about primarily through the state-by-state efforts of Carrie Chapman Catt and the National Woman Suffrage Association…” 
I hear bells tolling a death knell
his entrance music has begun
the classroom lights go out
the board is struck by lightning
I am grabbed by the throat
I am lifted and thrown to the floor
this is a chokeslam
I am hoisted upside down
my head impacts the ground as he falls to his knees
this is a Tombstone Piledriver
I clutch my neck in pain
no one comes to my aid
I am rolled into an open coffin
I concede
“That’s valid, ‘Taker. Maybe I undervalued the public pressure caused by the direct agitation of Alice Paul and the National Woman’s Party.”
the coffin lid is slammed shut on me
I am alone in the dark

III. My Lecture on the Repeal of Prohibition is Criticized by The Rock
Or,
Laying the Smackdown on the Volstead Act

I am about to open up to questions
my students prepare to raise their hands
I proclaim
“As you have seen, it was the failure of the Department of the Treasury to enforce the law, and to combat organized crime, which brought this failed experiment to an end in 1933…” 
I hear the words “IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING”
his entrance music has begun
I see a raised eyebrow
a muscular arm grasps me across my chest
I am slammed to the floor
this is a Rock Bottom
the wind is knocked out of me
I am leapt over
I see a People’s Elbow about to drop on me
I grit my teeth in anticipation
I hear the sound of breaking glass
The Rock is kicked in the stomach
The Rock is Stone Cold Stunner-ed
Steve Austin has come to my aid
The Rock staggers out of the classroom in defeat
I am emboldened
“Thank you, Steve, as Dwayne is incorrect on this. Although alcohol taxation was a boon to the Depression economy, it was not the fundamental reason for repeal by Franklin Roosevelt’s administration.” 
a sudsy can is tossed to me
we slam our cans together in a toast
I excitedly shower myself with beer

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