Hey there, Insta-fitness nut! Are you looking for the next hot exercise challenge to totally #shred?
Introducing, “Move My Fridge!”
Hi, I’m Courtney, a local artist that lives in a five-floor walk-up who just ordered a new refrigerator.
I know what you are thinking. “Not another Instagram fitness challenge made for the average person.” Well, you’re in for a treat because “Move my Refrigerator” takes Gladiator type strength and Jedi mind level mastery to succeed.
CrossFit ain’t got nothing on this. This will make those posers flipping giant tires look like pansies and swimming through quicksand look like a damn tropical Hawaiian vacation.
If you are a severe fitness addict whose average Sunday Funday consists of the 100 burpees, carrying 100-pound weights up mountains, and swimming moats where you wrestle mutant sized Alligators, for fun and all before 5 am; then this challenge is for you! You can rest assured you will finally prove to the world you have superhuman strength.
“But Courtney, when I start a new fitness program, they aren’t as hard as originally promised.” That’s why I broke “Move My Fridge” into three inconvenient steps, making it as difficult as possible.
Step 1: Carry my damn 79-pound refrigerator from the store to my run-down apartment building, up five flights of rickety stairs, to my bug-filled apartment, in the ninety-degree heat.
Step 2: Carry my broken refrigerator down the same five flights of crappy stairs in the same ninety-degree heat.
Step 3: DO IT ALL WITHOUT FREAKING DYING!
Usually, when you help people move, you get free pizza or beer. But that’s too many carbs for a fitness freak like you! Instead, when you participate and pay thirty dollars, you get a t-shirt to commemorate that you didn’t die!
AND THAT’S NOT ALL! You’ll also get tagged in multiple Instagram stories documenting your feet of strength, so the world knows you’re the most muscular mother flipping beast in the mother flipping galaxy!
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Sign up in the next 24-hours and get the bonus of additional fat-burning cardio with “Sneaking past the 6’4” cokehead squatting in the apartment next door, who thinks the government is out to kill him!”
What are you waiting for? Sign up now, test your limits, and win acknowledgment from the internet!
P.S. Join my mailing list to stay informed on next year’s deadly fitness challenge: “Dodging Bullets while moving my Water Bed.” (I’m very excited to be saving on rent in a new apartment. It’s a tenth-floor walk up, and there have been multiple shootings, but you can’t beat the savings!)