The Little Voting Ballot That Could: A Cautionary Tale

“Whoopsie Daisies,” the little voting ballot said, jumping over a mailbox. “It looks like I have to find another way to get to the Board of Elections. Maybe through a…paper trail!” The ballot giggled at his own joke.

Before tumbling down the street from a gust of wind, he was stopped by a human with suspiciously long blue shorts.

“Not so fast, little one. I can help you!” A postwoman with a small smile waves at the voting ballot. 

“Oh, I don’t know.” the ballot starts shaking, “I heard that the USPS, an institution that has roots in this country since the 1700s, is attached to voter fraud!” 

The post office worker gets down on one knee to look at the ballot. The morning light cascaded down upon her round hat, giving her a halo effect. “And who told you that?” the postwoman looked at the quivering ballot. He knows he’s in a pre-paid envelope and she was getting too close for comfort. She could accidentally mail him! 

“Mr… Mr. Fox told me!” He stammered, pointing in the general direction of the mailbox. 

Behind the mailbox a small shadowy figure emerged. 

“Yeah, I’m Mr. Fox, what about it?” He tossed a petite cigarette on the ground. 

“Word on the street is that the post office doesn’t know what the hell it’s doing. And that’s the Fox News Story.” Mr. Fox puts out his cigarette with his paw and sneers at the postal worker.

“What on earth are you talking about?” The postal worker adjusts her large bag of parcels. She’s been on the job 23 years, and has never heard such a thing. It’s almost as if we make things up to fit agendas.

“I’m talking about voter suppression, baby.” Mr. Fox smirks. 

“Mailing in ballots helps with voter suppression. It’s a great equalizer. Plus, we’re in the middle of a pandemic.” The postal worker lightly taps her mask with her gloved finger.

“FAKE NEWS!” Mr. Fox coughs manically out of nowhere. “These rogue mail in votes are ILLEGAL!”

“Again… I don’t know what you’re saying…” The postal worker adjusts her mask. Spit was flying everywhere from this small woodland creature.

“YOU’RE A NASTY WOMAN!” The fox stomps his foot repeatedly. The little ballot hides behind the postal worker, startled by the unexpected outburst. 

Mr. Fox’s red fur stands on end. “You should vote twice, anyway! Just to make sure!” He stares intently at the little ballot. 

“Now, that’s illegal.” The postal worker starts to stand up. 

“FAKE… NEWS!” Another outburst from the small animal. His eyes start darting around the cement, looking for something. Finally, he spots it. An opening off the curb and into the sewer. 

Mr. Fox then starts looking at the postal worker up and down. “You don’t have the look. You don’t have the stamina, and you are not my type.” He sneers at the postal worker and scampers off into the sewer. 

“Are you OK?” The postal worker looks at the little ballot. 

“I think so, I’m just very confused.” It’s true. The little ballot looked woozy. These talking heads are a sensory overload.

“Understandable, it’s a shit show out here. But don’t worry, I will get you where you need to go.”

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