by Michael Leonetti, Amy Currul, Ash Jurberg and Susan Sassi
Whether you’re staying at home, risking yours and everyone else’s lives around you for some candy you could’ve bought for your kids from the safety of your own home, or just into dressing up, Spirit Halloween is your one stop Halloween Super Store.
We’ve got it all including COVID-19 masks. Note these are virus-shaped masks and in no way protect you from COVID-19.
Please bear with us as we are only allowed two non-staff members in the store, so larger families will have to wait to experience the terror of our items and the shock of our low, low prices!
Due to some unforeseen mistakes: over-ordering at the start of the year, and continuous timely ordering throughout the year because our President’s (masks available now!) promise that “this would disappear any second,” we here at Spirit Halloween have an excess of amazing and spooky goods for you. Check out some of our hot selling items!
Borat: People probably made fun of you for saying “my wife,” both ironically and non-ironically for the past 14 years, but who’s laughing now!
Ballot Boxes: The voice of the people will be heard through the mail this year, so why not be the thing helping to keep the right to vote alive. **Fake Ballot Boxes no longer available, see California GOP for secondary market purchases.
COVID-19 Vaccine: Get your orders in now, deliveries are expected in the future sometime.
Doctor/Nurse: Wear this outfit to get people to clap for our healthcare workers again.
Mummified Sourdough Bread Starter: Remind people of their horrible actions this year when the bread starter they took care of for all of one week comes back to seek revenge!
Murder Hornet: These scary bugs might still come, and maybe it’ll be on Halloween, won’t you look cool then!
Poll Worker: A lot of people will go political with their costume this year, but not many will dress as the unsung heroes of our elections. Plus, if you wear this you can steal valor and say you’re actually signed up to be a poll worker.
Pole Worker: Sex positivity in 2020!
Professional Sports Bubble: Typical bubble costumes were never so fashionable. This costume can be any of the major sports’ bubbles. To make it an NBA bubble seal it properly. For MLB puncture a hole or two in the bubble. For a NFL bubble, just take off the costume.
Quibi: Fun fact, the amount of time it will take you to explain “what a Quibi is,” is longer than typical episodes that ran on the now defunct streaming platform. Each costume purchase comes with a free one-month subscription to Quibi.
Sexy Health Insurance: Show your desire for medicare for all while you bare it all. If you do it right all will want medicare.
Stimulus Check: Dress up like the 2 grand that was supposed to tide you over for the year. Unlike Ruth’s Chris Steaks, we didn’t qualify for any of that sweet stimuli either, so please come down to the store and buy something.
Tiger King/Carol Baskins: Not every costume has to be about people society still cares about, you can make the world care about them again!
Zombie Skype: The “S” insignia costume is extra large so people won’t have to zoom in to see what you are.
New shipments arrive every week so don’t skimp out on this Halloween. Please. We’re begging you. There is no Halloween store bailout, we just die.