- The Quarantini
First week into our nation’s quarantine and it feels like we’re all just having a big sleepover! This fun cocktail will hold us over for another week or two until we can return to our normal lives!
This drink contains: 1 oz Cranberry Juice, 1 oz Cointreau, 1 ½ oz Gin, ½ oz Apple Juice, Top Up with Champagne
- Mai Tai’m to Shine!
So, it sounds like we’re going to be in quarantine for just a little bit longer. That’s okay! Might as well take advantage of this time before it’s gone. Start exercising, clean your apartment, or finally read White Fragility so you can stop pretending like you have.
This drink contains: 1 ½ oz White Rum, ¾ oz Orange Curaçao, a handful of Adderall (optional)
- Piña Colada-People-Are-Sick…
Wow. Okay. So, this is real. Um. Just a little longer?
This drink contains: 3 Cups Frozen Pineapple, 3 oz White Rum, 4 oz Emergen-C
- A Short Trip To Hell
This is what we’ll all be calling this period of time once we reach the other end of it. It’s going to be short! Right? We can’t do this for another month, right??
This drink contains: 2 oz Peach Schnapps, 2 oz Strawberry Schnapps, 2 oz Wildberry Schnapps, 1 Mental Schnapp
- Vodka So-damn Bored
Can you believe it’s been four months already? I sure can! This drink helps pass the time when you’re manically talking to your TV like Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream. Maybe it’s time you call a friend… Or a therapist.
This drink contains: Vodka (don’t even bother measuring), Soda (whichever soda has been sitting in your fridge for months), and a Single Tear (special ingredient)
- Sext on the Beach
Time to text your ex. Get back on Tinder. Slide into the DM’s of that Starbucks barista who once smiled at you. At this point, you have nothing to lose. This one’s not really a cocktail, but feel free to take a shot for a little courage.
This drink contains: Desperation
You’ve lost all hope and have started saying things like “back in my day” and “in the Before Times.” This easy drink will have you yearning for the good ol’ days of working in an office, feeling secure both financially and emotionally, and never caring about the well-being of others. It was a much simpler time.
This drink contains: A bottle of whiskey supplemented with a night of scrolling through your photo library (last year on this day you were at a Drake concert)
- Corpse Reviver No. 2
Exciting news! Trump said a vaccine is on its way! Time to stop moping around! You’ve made it this far and you can make it just a few more weeks!
This drink contains: ¾ oz Gin, ¾ oz Orange liqueur, ¾ oz Fresh Lemon Juice, 3 cups Hopeful Naivety
- Adios Motherfuckers
Duped again. Looks like we’re in this for the long haul. You should probably stop drinking.
This drink contains: 8 oz Water