Ever notice the love story between the bitchy, mysterious girl and the goofy, popular guy in every teen movie? Of course you have! The budding romance between them is inevitable according to every screenwriter ever. This guy is the only one in school who sees past her “I don’t give a fuck attitude” and smudged eyeliner. If you’re looking to the snag the male lead look no further than this guide:
- Work in a record store. This is extremely important to your character. It’s one of the first ways the audience will learn you’re not like other girls. You’re different! When the male lead comes in to buy a record, pretend you don’t recognize him when he asks you for a recommendation.
- Have one close friend. You two spend a majority of your time by your locker, making snarky comments about the popular kids. This friend will eventually tell you that you’ve changed after spending so much time with the male lead.
- Describe the popular kids as “a grease stain on the whole of society.” When you spot Mr. Popular in school, make a comment to your friend about his lack of intelligence and how he’s only liked because he’s the quarterback.
- Spend most of your time smoking behind the school. This is where he’ll bump into you when he “didn’t see you there.” After he apologizes, he’ll say he recognizes you from the record store.
- Listen to The Smiths, Sonic Youth, and The Velvet Underground. When homeboy tries to thank you for your recommendation, turn up the volume to show you’re ignoring him.
- Quickly look away when you two make eye contact in the hall. You still don’t want him to think you know who he is, but you’ll inevitably look back when he walks away.
- Have a close relationship with one parent and hate the other for not understanding you. To your surprise, this parent will offer you advice about following your heart halfway through the film.
- Walk to school every day. When he offers you a ride, roll your eyes and say no. If he insists, begrudgingly get in. As he tries to make conversation, snap at him, saying he doesn’t need to be nice to you, and get out of the car.
- Read during lunch at a table in the back corner of the cafeteria. Anything by Faulkner will suffice. When the lead approaches you and asks what you’re reading, hold up the book so he can charmingly mispronounce the author’s name.
- Keep a sketchbook of drawings you refuse to let anyone see. When he stumbles upon them in your room, kick him out for looking at something so personal.
- Lash out at him when he tries to help you. Remind him he’s not your boyfriend, and you don’t need his help!
- When he finally asks you out, jokingly call him names like “nerd” or “weirdo.” You can’t let him forget you thought he was a moron for most of the movie.
If you follow these instructions, you’ll be with him by the end credits. His friends won’t understand what he sees in you, but he’ll stand up for you and blow them off for good. This is a teen movie after all!