A Day In The Life Of Amy Coney Barrett’s Notification Center

MESSAGES 
One of the Girls
NO MOM, I am not dating Elijah, that’s disgusting! He’s missed Sunday services 3 times. Gross. 

VENMO 
You paid $70 to KidRockFundraiser 

UBER EATS 
Your cart is waiting! 
You have 4 spicy chicken sandwich combo’s, 1 medium lemonade, and 17 packets of Chick-Fil-A sauce waiting in your cart. Complete your order now and we’ll make a donation to an organization of your choice! 

MESSAGES 
Clarence T. 
LOL have you watched The Trial of the Chicago 7 yet? 

MAIL 
Jesse Barrett 
Fwd: Dog Peed in Family Room
Hi dear, so sorry to bother you at work, but she did it again. She refuses to play with the other puppies, so this was her choice method to get a pass. Can you remind me how to direct a female dog to go pee outside? Thanks. 

MAIL 
Luke Messer 
Amy, I’m worried. 2020 has been an excruciating year, but one thing is for certain. The earth is flat. Could you pitch in another $20 so we don’t fall off?  

FOX NEWS 
Grandmother from Philadelphia confirms that she’s dead and voted for Biden. Trump takes back PA! 

BUMBLE BFF 
Looks like you’ve run out of swipes! Check back with us in 24 hours, but in the meantime, check out your messages before they expire! 

REDDIT 
Trending on r/Obria 
NO WOMAN NO ABORTION 
All I did was post an address to a Planned Parenthood clinic onto the NRA against Pregnant Women group, and now I’m being detained!! These baby murderers can’t harm no baby if they ain’t livin! Basic science. Pack it up, snowflakes! 

SETTINGS 
Exposure Notifications 
Your location is under review with the Public Health Authorities for possible exposure to COVID-19 

OUTLOOK 
Lindsay Graham 
Obergefell Play Adaptation 
Hello Misses! Thought I’d let ya know what the word on the street is in Ghost Town, NYC! Apparently, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber is working on adapting the Obergefell v. Hodges case into a Broadway musical for this time next year! I feared that if I expressed any knowledge in this that it would bite us both in the tush but…I just can’t contain my excitement! Do you think they’d let me do a cold read?… 
[READ MORE] 

SETTINGS 
Exposure Notifications 
You have disabled Exposure Notifications.  

MESSAGES 
Jesse 
You want another glass of whole milk, extra ice?  

MESSAGES 
B. Kavanaugh 
U up? 

GMAIL 
Etsy Conversation with Kristine and Jon from SacredMoments Re: Order #179585938 
Hi there! Just checking in to see if you’ve received your customized “Step Here to Stomp On Democracy!” doormat? Let us know and then delete our email right away, please! 

CRAIGSLIST 
Seeking: “Husband Sitter” 
This sounds like the right fit for me. Do u know if we actually wear red robes? Lololol jk. 

SLEEP | HEALTH 
Bedtime Reminder 
Your bedtime is set for 6:66pm.  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s