
Dear Josh,
Due to the unusually high number of qualified candidates, we’re only hiring people with PhDs in astrophysics.
Sincerely,
Office Depot
Hey Josh,
You were the strongest candidate, but we couldn’t resist the charm of our CEO’s favorite grandson.
Better luck next time,
Houndstooth Bank
Hi Josh,
We’re going to pass. We’ll hold on to contact information in case there is a future position we don’t want to hire you for.
Best wishes,
Alpine Marketing
Wow Josh,
No cover letter? Really?
Up yours,
Kinkos
Wow Josh,
A cover letter? Really?
C’mon man,
FedEx
Hey Josh,
Unfortunately, we’ve decided to let another candidate hate working here.
Good luck out there,
Cheesecake Factory
Hey stupid,
We realize you put a lot of effort into our weirdly complicated application, but we’re still going to ghost you.
Suck it,
Nondescript Office
Dear Josh,
Congratulations, you’re hired (since you’re so excited, it’ll take you half an hour to realize this is spam)!
Yours,
Nigerian Prince LLC
Lol, that last one!
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