Rejection Emails I Might As Well Have Received While Applying For A Job During Covid

Dear Josh,

Due to the unusually high number of qualified candidates, we’re only hiring people with PhDs in astrophysics.

Sincerely,
Office Depot


Hey Josh,

You were the strongest candidate, but we couldn’t resist the charm of our CEO’s favorite grandson.

Better luck next time,
Houndstooth Bank


Hi Josh,

We’re going to pass. We’ll hold on to contact information in case there is a future position we don’t want to hire you for.

Best wishes,
Alpine Marketing


Wow Josh,

No cover letter? Really?

Up yours,
Kinkos


Wow Josh,

A cover letter? Really?

C’mon man,
FedEx


Hey Josh,

Unfortunately, we’ve decided to let another candidate hate working here.

Good luck out there,
Cheesecake Factory


Hey stupid,

We realize you put a lot of effort into our weirdly complicated application, but we’re still going to ghost you.

Suck it,
Nondescript Office


Dear Josh,

Congratulations, you’re hired (since you’re so excited, it’ll take you half an hour to realize this is spam)!

Yours,
Nigerian Prince LLC

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