A Men’s Guide: 14 Alternatives For Calling Adult Women “Girls” And When To Use Them

Women can be so sensitive. Don’t get yourself in trouble for saying the wrong thing!

1.     Little Missy

You want to help her understand where she falls in the pecking order. She’s not at the bottom, but she’s very close.

2.     Dollface

This is a solid way to remind women that what makes them doll-like is also what makes them attractive; i.e., that they are inanimate and don’t speak.

3.     Sweetheart

This can be loving. But preferred use is when it follows the word “smile” to help women turn those frowns upside down! Perfect to say to any woman whether she’s a stranger, an acquaintance, or Jackie in accounting.

4.     What’s-Her-Face

It’s late (or early). You’re tired (or wide awake). But one thing is certain: you forgot her name. Not a big deal, at all. Just say this!

5.     Chick

Should be used on the women that chirp, are kept in cages, and will be raised to grow up and lay eggs.

6.     Hot Tits

Consider this a practical way to indicate that her tits are, indeed, hot.

7.     Slut

Should be said about a woman when she does not want to have sex with you. (Example: “Jackie told me she was busy and not interested in dating a coworker. She’s a fucking slut.”)

8.     Cougar

An effective method for delegitimizing a heteronormative relationship because the female participant is older (aka, she’s a dilapidated, crumbling eye-sore). Don’t worry, there’s no equivalent term for if the male is older. Though you might high-five him.

9.     Sugar Boo

Would use most when she leaves the kitchen or also maybe on Halloween.

10.  The Man

Sometimes women do something right. It’s exciting. When that happens, just make sure she knows that action makes her more like the superior sex (men).

11.  Spinster

An oldy but a goody! This describes a “professional” (blech) woman who, despite a potentially fulfilling and satisfying life, is worth nothing because she is unmarried and older than fifteen moons.

12.  Wife/Mother/Daughter/Sister

Best to describe a woman after something very, very bad has happened to said wife/mother/daughter/sister. Think, like a rape. Essentially, you want other people to know that she is worthy of things like sympathy and basic human decency. (Please note that this designation is temporary, and you’ll be able to go back to calling her something else).

13.  Bimbo

This is kind of redundant, because we know that all women are stupid. But it helps to describe a dummy. It also rhymes with limbo. And it’s fun to say.  

14.  Bitch

Can literally be said about any women, living or dead, regardless of anything. Especially Jackie. 

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