1. You’ve started your own business on Etsy inspired by your love for “Dog mom” t-shirts. #dogmom #dogtrepreneur
2. You’ve grown accustomed to the taste of venison-flavored dust on your fingers. It does pair nicely with French fries.
3. You walk your dog every day just so the world can be graced with his presence. You’re doing God’s work.
4. You have a collection of voodoo dolls for everyone who’s asked you about his life expectancy.
5. You’ve researched how to get your dog knighted by the Queen. He has more Instagram followers than Sir Anthony Hopkins and eats liver without fava beans.
6. You’ve spent more time planning your dog’s breed reveal party than your sister’s bridal shower.
7. You’ve cut your best friend out of your life because she yelled at him for humping her head. That’s what she gets for sitting on his couch.
8. You’ve sent your newborn baby to stay at Grandma’s for the week because it’s been a difficult adjustment for your real baby.
9. Your sweaters have a lower percentage of wool than dog hair which you tell everyone is “fur-fetti.”
10. Your right leg is now an inch shorter than your left. You can’t stretch it out all the way—that’s where he likes to sleep.
11. You see your vet more than your GP. You asked if he could give you a quick medical exam. You’re at the vet clinic anyway. But he said “no.”
12. You’ve chased after your baby with a pair of scissors to cut the fur-entangled wad of grass or hair that didn’t make it all the way out of his butt.
13. You have a pearl-handled pair of scissors for such occasions.
14. You can’t remember the last time you went to the bathroom alone but you don’t mind.