Could it be that some of you are not acquainted with the legend of Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Amazon Returns? Pull up a smiley-face box, and lend an ear. It all started a couple of years before the big melt…
Rudolph finds himself unemployed when Santa is restricted from traveling for Christmas 2020. He finds work in an Amazon warehouse, where his new boss has more greed than holiday spirit.
Jingle, jingle, jingle; Amazon killed Kris Kringle
Come to me for your toys, TP, and Pringles
I’m the new king of Christmas, Jeff Bezos
two-day shipping mullet wigs and Legos.
Mistaking his new employee for a broken lawn ornament, King Bezos sends Rudolph to the Island of Misfit Amazon Returns, where he makes friends with all of the packages that arrived too late, were ordered on accident, or got damaged in transit.
How can I be anyone’s fave
When Covid cancels the rave?
Everyone’s home so they don’t get sick
There’s nothing to do with a glow stick.
You can tell from the pit stains
I’m not the wrong size as they claim
All these sequins and I’m in my prime;
They bought me to wear one time.
Everyone wants a PS5.
Who could return one and not cry?
The buyer’s spouse called them a liar;
I am not an air purifier.
Thought the election was in the bag
So he drove with a Trump flag.
Georgia and Pennsylvania saved us all,
Now he’s replaced me with truck balls.
Picky eating and testing you.
Alexa, she’s figured out too.
She got away with the train set.
See what the toddler orders next.
He was turning 50 and it hurt
So he treated himself to a new shirt.
Not wearing readers, the fault in his eyes
And now he’s ordered the wrong size.
His proposal idea really stank,
Said they were breaking up as a prank.
Could not deal with that tomfoolery
and she said no to the jewelry.
Fired Amazon delivery driver
Ol’ King Bezos gave me the boot—
I didn’t think his policies were a hoot.
Told me other workers could fill his needs
when I refused to drive at unsafe speeds.
Join Rudolph in his first direct-to-digital-release film as he attempts to find a new home for all of his Amazon reject friends before their home on an Arctic ice sheet melts away forever in a haze of greenhouse gases produced by two-day shipping.
Can Rudolph list all his friends quickly enough on eBay? Will USPS delays in shipping affect Rudolph’s seller rating? How many winning bidders of the Amazon rejects are third-party Amazon sellers buying up more inventory?
Find out in this Christmas musical that’s only tolerable because the songs aren’t very memorable and therefore won’t get stuck in your head, coming soon to Amazon Prime.