Thanks, Tracy From Fish

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I have Covid. I think my head hurts a little on the left side behind my ear, but that could be where I ran into the silverware drawer the other day when I dropped that ice cube. Or it could be from when I ran into the coffee table getting that cherry tomato that rolled under it. And my right nostril feels slightly sluggish or irritated and maybe like it is going to drip or have some kind of pressure up there. My throat isn’t exactly scratchy, but when I swallow hard I am aware of where my tonsils used to be, or is there some ghost tonsil effect even after eighteen years, like those people whose legs itch after they have had them amputated? I don’t think I have lost my sense of smell completely. I mean, I can smell a little, for instance a whiff of that just-like Euphoria cologne that I dropped in the bathroom the other day and the bottle shattered and went everywhere and took me two days to hose down. But this morning I couldn’t smell my instant Taster’s Choice even in that mug that comes up high and really closes around my nose, but maybe I just added too much water trying to make a really big mugful which you can’t do with that stuff though I’ve tried. Plus I almost didn’t smell my hairdryer this morning with that metallic aroma it has when it’s run too long trying to style my hair which won’t cooperate.

I just tried to take my temperature with that thermometer that wasn’t working when I thought I was having an appendicitis a few months ago, though I remember Tracy from Pet Palace telling me last year that if it’s not working to put it in the refrigerator for two days to revive its power, and I did that but she may have been pulling my leg or possibly was drunk at the time, and also (in all fairness) Tracy did not know that the thermometer hadn’t worked for several years but I save it even though I never remember to buy that teeny battery when I’m well and when I’m sick I’m not in Walgreen’s, so it didn’t work again today.  

I’m pretty sure I might have a fever though because I do feel kind of warm and I’m sluggish, but, of course, I have not been sleeping well for several days because of my angst over possibly losing my job as Parakeet Manager at Pet Palace. People need and want pets now more than ever during the pandemic, but they are not coming in much and a lot of people mistakenly think birds carry infectious diseases or they want something they can pet and that is cuddly and has fur, so birds are not moving!

Add all this to the scary timetable fact that I went to that big (well, eleven people in a closet-kitchen studio is big!) party exactly fourteen days ago and, though I know it was stupid, I ate a Triscuit right out of the box (yes, I stuck my hand in, dunderhead me!) and then scraped at the surface of a carton of hummus that had just been opened but I know someone had to have opened it and we can assume they were breathing around it!

I haven’t heard that anyone else who was there has come down with the virus, but the timing is right. I just hope no one else is feeling these symptoms, except maybe Tracy who was there gloating sickeningly over her recent promotion from Fish to Rodents. When I came in she gave me that quick oh-my-gosh insincere, too close air hug like some Hollywood diva. As if hamsters are so far above fish on the meter! Now that I think about it, I’m pretty darn sure she brought the hummus.

I’m going to call work and see if she is out too by any righteous chance, and then I’ll see if I can smell the heater kicking on or maybe the old lettuce in the fridge drawer. I may be on my way to the ER any minute and lose a lot of of pay and possibly my job or my life! Thanks, Tracy from Fish!

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