Hey you! Yeah, you! Are you a woman who likes her “gal pals” almost as much as you hate Antifa? Can you stir up a batch of muffins as fast as you can stir up racial tensions? Are you as sympathetic to Carrie from Sex and the City as you are to fascism? Then why not consider joining the Proud Ladies!
The Proud Ladies are fun, supportive women who gab, gossip, and glorify political violence. We are independent, sassy, group thinkers, who work together to fight white genocide and throw fun social events. The group was founded after a few of the Proud Boy’s girlfriends got sent out of the room so the men could talk. Well, us gals got to talking, and what started out as a scrapbooking club pretty quickly branched out into hate crimes. We share recipes, talk about our crazy kids, and commit arson on the weekends.
We plan lots of social events throughout the year. Coming up, we have a PTA bake sale, and the week after that we’re planning on walking through a crowded urban area while open carrying. Our rallies are different from the Boys, though, because our chants are more creative and our guns are pink. Also, every Tuesday night, we all go bowling! Feel free to bring your little ones to our events, or leave them home with a sitter. We support your right to make whatever decisions you feel are best for your own, traditional, two-parent, nuclear family.
Don’t get us wrong, we’re not one of those female empowerment groups. We’re not a bunch of feminazis—we’re regular nazis. You don’t have to be a man to hate minorities; like we say at the start of our meetings: “anything boys can do, girls can do better.”
Some of our potential enrollees are worried about the Proud Boys’ rule against masturbation. Currently the Proud Ladies do not have the same rule in place, because a good number of our members date Proud Boys, and Proud Boys generally don’t reciprocate oral sex. But they do reciprocate being great dads!
So if you like well-baked banana bread as much as you like half-baked conspiracy theories, reach out to the Proud Ladies! You can find us on 4chan, or if you’re not that techy, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org with your name, address, and whether or not you’re Jewish, and we’ll send you a membership card! And remember: anything boys can do, girls can do better. Even hate crimes.