Spice Up Your Quarantine With These Eight Covid Kinks

Are You (Locked) Down to Fuck?

Six Foot Fetish
A socially-distanced threesome where you only do foot stuff.

Dress as a Sexy Maid
But actually clean your entire home. Just sanitize the shit out of everything in sight. Nothing’s hotter than a surface that’s 99.9% virus-free.

Give Each Other a Stimulation Check
Warm up by whispering into each other’s ears wild fantasies of the Treasury Department sending increasingly higher amounts of money. E.g.“I bet you want $600, baby.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that.”
“I bet you’d like $2000, wouldn’t you?”
“Fuck yes. I need it so bad.”
“Oh yeah? What if it recurred monthly until the pandemic is over?”
“Holy shit that’s so hot. I could finally pay rent. Fuck. I’m coming. I’m coming!” etc.

Get Dirty While Cleaning Your Hands
Kill two birds with one stone here. According to the CDC, proper handwashing takes a total of twenty seconds, which is as long as you can last anyway. So, the next time you’re bent over the sink scrubbing those hands, screw singing “Happy Birthday” and screw each other instead!

Outdoor Dining
Nothing says “Covid-safe” like eating each other out, outdoors. Find a nice curb or maybe even a patio—really whatever you’ve got. Plop down a suspiciously ineffective heater and some blankets, and wine-dine-and-69 each other to your heart’s content (or until hypothermia sets in, whatever comes first).

Call up Your Friend with (Unemployment) Benefits
And just, like, check in on them. It’s a tough time and you’re a good friend and not everything has to be about sex.

Role-Play as a Maskless Covid-Denier
Cough in his face right before he cums on yours!

Throw a “Soup or Spread Her” Event
What’s better than sex? Soup. That’s exactly what I was going to say. So crazy we were thinking the same thing. Anyway, this one is like a sexy pot-luck where everyone brings a hearty helping of their favorite soup and leaves with herpes and a shitload of Covid. 

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