City Apartment Listings For People Who Fled To The Suburbs In 2020

COZY LOFT just steps from INCREDIBLE NIGHTLIFE that is MOST DEFINITELY going to open back up at an undisclosed point in the future. 

LUXURY RENTALS! Who needs WIDE OPEN SPACE and a BACKYARD when you can have a DOORMAN and a BILLIARD LOUNGE that you’ll totally use more than one time?

LARGE studio with HIGH CEILINGS! Not quite as high as the suburban home you moved to when the pandemic hit but still ADEQUATELY HIGH unless you’re SOMEHOW taller than 6’5”! 

Enjoy SKYLINE VISTAS once our PRIVATE ROOFTOP is deemed safe to re-OPEN! Unlike anything you could ever get outside the city!

NEWLY RENOVATED UNIT! PRIME LOCATION! WASHER/ DRYER! DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE SQUARE FOOTAGE IT’S FINE OK!!!!

First two months FREE! Just sell your house, sign a FOUR YEAR LEASE, and return to the city you once claimed you’d never leave on INSTAGRAM. 

ONE BLOCK from public transit for an EFFORTLESS COMMUTE when that becomes a THING AGAIN. We’re hopeful IT WILL because our business 100% DEPENDS ON IT.

CHARMING pre-war building on a TREE LINED STREET that feels like your own PRIVATE STREET because nobody lives here anymore. STREET PARKING AVAILABLE! 

SUNNY three bedroom that’s COMPLETELY FURNISHED because the previous tenant also moved to the suburbs. The half-eaten block of feta cheese they left in the fridge WON’T LAST!

NO CREDIT CHECK REQUIRED. NO GUARANTORS NEEDED. Please just move into this midtown apartment and give us SOME FORM OF CURRENCY on a MONTHLY BASIS. 

Pristine condo OVERLOOKING THE PARK! Don’t let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass you by! But if you do, there’s a really good chance it will STILL BE AVAILABLE! 

CONVENIENT one bedroom with all the COMFORTS of the suburbs! Only here you won’t waste all your time walking between the KITCHEN and the SHOWER because they’re in the SAME ROOM. 

Quirky TOWNHOUSE in the heart of the HUSTLE and BUSTLE. Guaranteed to drown out any feelings of regret over leaving your appropriately sized suburban home for a flex TWO BEDROOM above a T.G.I. Friday’s. PET FRIENDLY! 

Find your forever city home! Apply today by visiting OUR OFFICES which are CONVENIENTLY LOCATED just 47 miles north of DOWNTOWN. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s