Making Life Bearable Again: Advice From My Bipolar Bear Life Coach

Don’t overeat. Two to three times a week is plenty. More will sap your energy with all that digestion. Avoid those high fiber, high fur, muscular sled dogs. They make a lunch you’ll regret for two days. Plenty of seal blubber and skin works, and over that you’re only hurting yourself. Chew, swallow, get it over with. Don’t expect to feel better. It’s just survival.

Socialize! Find yourself an attractive mate to play with! Slide down white slopes, have happy-slappy “tiffs,” float together on floes! Eight to ten days of joy, mating, and laughs! Then off you go! Life’s a bowl of herring! Don’t take it serious! Mating for life is scat!

Sleep enough. No hibernating. Only mother bears do that when they give birth. You’ve got to slog on, weathering life’s miserable boring whiteness and chilling winds of isolation twelve months a year. Sleep is a little death that gives you just enough recharge to make it through the bitter arctic days of your colorless life.

Don’t give aging a thought! You’ll make it to twenty-five years easily and who cares if you loose a tooth or two, or your coat turns nicotine-ish yellow! Inside you are the same bear you’ve always been! You are irreplaceable, unique, and a big presence! Every day, season, year you get better and better with deeper insights, empowering experience, and more fat! Icy winds are whistling your tune!

Use your lonely, purposeless hours roaming the frozen wasteland to reflect and renew. Meditation is an excellent way to define and defeat your feelings of helplessness and lack of purpose. Slow to a shambling pace, breathe deeply, and focus on one paw in front of the other. You may find no pleasure or even interest in life for long stretches just like arctic winter nights, but limp along, trying to be the best bear you can.

Look beyond your own black nose! Embrace that part of you that seeks the spiritual, the refulgence of your psyche! Don’t be afraid to rush toward the Life Force with joy! Sol Invictus of the blinding arctic may be hiding inside you! Open your paws to the divine! Become the dancing bear of life’s great circus!

Don’t let fear keep you from asking for help. The world is a cold place, but remember that even though you are utterly alone and always will be, there are also meds.  

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