Opening Lines For When You’re Too Busy To Read A Whole Novel

We were the first men living on Mars, if you could call that living.

I was about to complain to Gary about the heat, but he had already melted.

The Garden
It certainly was satisfying to grow your own food, I thought, as I sat down to a nice, warm bowl of dirt.

School Days
As if the first day of third grade wasn’t stressful enough, now I had to explain to everyone that I did own pants, I just forgot them.

The Pointy Thing
I didn’t know what it was, but it was a mistake to think it was a chair.

Our New House
I know the realtor was really persuasive, but I still wasn’t totally convinced that was a roof.

A Day At The Zoo
I didn’t think it was fair to lock up the monkeys in a cage, or at the very least, not me.

The Concert
It wasn’t what I would call “music,” more like people telling me that I was talking too loudly.

The Haunted House
I didn’t believe in ghosts, not after the way that last one lied to me.

A Night Out
I was led to believe it was going to be a fancy restaurant, but when we sat down, I was the only one eating a necktie.

Apple Pie
When I was a boy, my grandmother made the most delicious apple pie I ever tasted, until I was in college and learned you were supposed to cook it first. 

The Worst Day Of My Life
This isn’t so bad, I thought.

The Human Cannonball
It didn’t seem like a great strategy to me, but who was I to question my commanding officer?

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