1. Someone tells you that you “play for both teams.” How do you react?
a. I rip off my clothes to reveal two uniforms sewn together. I scream, “PLAY BALL,” spit out my chew, and step up to bat.
b. Well, I’d say that I typically only use vinyl erasers. They’re the best!
c. We should all be on one team. Having “teams” will only continue to divide us.
2. Are you sure this isn’t just a phase?
a. Oh shit. Am I the wrong moon phase again? Dammit! Let me switch into my Blood Moon costume.
b. No, I feel pretty passionately about vinyl erasers.
c. Life moves in waves and tides. Who’s to say we’re any different?
3. How does it feel to be sexually attracted to everyone? Is it hard to be faithful?
a. It is. At the sight of another man or a woman, I drop everything and immediately start making out with them. I just have a hard time containing myself. Everyone is so hot!
b. Okay, fine. There was ONE instance where I experimented with a kneaded eraser. I couldn’t help it. I was so intrigued and it was so different. And edgy. But it wasn’t worth it, okay? It just wasn’t the right fit for me. But, honestly, I’m glad I got to experiment and figure out what I like. #vinylforlife
c. Monogamy is a societal construct. I move and flow to my natural sexual desires.
4. You’re not currently dating a woman. How does that make you feel?
a. It makes me want to walk around and scream, “I’M VERY GAY,” into people’s faces.
b. I don’t know what this has to do with erasers.
c. Dating is so nebulous. I mean, what even is a relationship? Being tied to a box is so gauche.
5. What’s your type?
a. O neg.
b. I prefer vinyl erasers, but I guess I could be persuaded with a Pink Pearl. Do NOT give me that pencil cap trash. They’re a sad excuse for an eraser and I won’t STAND for it.
c. “Type” is just a word we use in society to create more boxes.
6. How do you feel when people say you aren’t real?
a. I shatter a beer bottle and tell them I’ll prove it if they swear to a blood pact.
b. It hurts. I mean, listen, I am passionate about vinyl erasers. Why does my interest in erasers define my existence?
c. What’s reality anyways, you know?
If you chose all a’s: Congrats! You’re experiencing bi-erasure! What a time to be alive. Make sure you constantly remind people that you are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Also, if you’re not flamboyant enough, you will surely be ignored and forgotten.
If you chose all b’s: You’re really into erasers and know your taste. That’s great! Try to remember that it’s not always about erasers and have some fun, okay?
If you chose all c’s: You just move and flow with the tides, dude! Free of societal pressure and labeling, you’re the future. Enjoy the ease of living in a progressive society that doesn’t need your sexuality to be defined.