The Leadership Retreat — Division of Management, Policy & Operations (Van Pools / Mobility Scooters)

by A. G. S. Tehn

First and last, thank you always for being here for little ole me! I know you know we’re here to help you realize the hopes and dreams of MansSyst — I love that acronym! It gets all of Management Systems, Operations and van whatever into one word. It’s so cool! You’re the best subdivision we’ve ever worked with and I really mean that. I mean really.

Now listen up, girls and boys: I know you’re crazy busy with Values and Voices listening sessions and loads of ginormous emails. You should have received mine — just focus on the 4th and 7th attachments — hope you have Excel! — and you’ll be all set. Even though we at PreciseSolutions are just shameless contractors — just kidding! — I feel like all you people at ManageSyst are my family. Like, maybe we shouldn’t go there -– ha! But truly honestly, I really feel you. I even feel as though I could work for you guys, if I wanted to.

Before we get granular, I want to take a brief 30 minutes to download you on what we’re calling — OK, bunny fingers — the “New Paradigm.” First, it’s functionally matrixed from the old one. Until TBD, we’ll use the NP — that’s the New Paradigm — to operationalize the dialogue into a leveraged collaboration with your relevant stakeholders.

Second, flowing from the NP — see how easy this is! — will be our Strategic Vision. The SV will be system-engineered into three big buckets and two smaller ones — but just for our interim realignment. Third, this shift of Paradigms — there’s that word AGAIN! — requires us to take our tools out of the three big buckets and dump them on the table, refocusing us on multidisciplinary synergies. Folks, I ask you: Can you say “game changer”?!

Let me jump ahead so we don’t waste time at the specifics of the 30,000-foot level. Now slide 11 on the screen behind me — this is from attachment number nine in my email — says ‘Robust implah-‘ oh, scheewilligers, let’s all read it together: ‘Robust implementation of baseline technical policies providing workforce opportunities on linear performance platforms.’ Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?!

Now STOP! I know what you’re thinking. Don’t think it. Don’t even, like, go there. This isn’t going to be an infrastructure upgrade or a C4-ISR re-boot. The organic functions analysis went out with our Vision 3.2 statement. What we are doing now is creating a seamless dialogue with the team-leaders of the stovepipes. We’re gonna walk the talk. I mean, I’m gonna be from Missouri on this. I’m gonna show you.
Ignore Slide 17. But close your eyes for a second and conceptualize a vast array of stratagems and a narrative synthesis of data-driven pods oriented toward transformative modalities. Yes, people, optimized pods. It’s an evolving process blending into our ad hoc core structure, empowering us to move the ball downfield into what Charles — where is our Aaron Rodgers Packer Backer anyways? There you are, you Cheesehead! — calls a virtual end zone. I mean WHOA!

Now, I know I’m at the 50,000 foot level here. But ergo — I’ve always wanted to use that word! — what I’m really seeing is a ground-level data-dump that feeds into our transparency and accountability aspirations. It’s a soup-to-nuts model and it’s going to give you what you’ve always wanted: New organizational modular fusions! I told you we were getting down to it, people, that we were making it real. Raise your hand if you can feel it. Good, I see a few — oh, you didn’t get the email? We’ll jump on that right now. Charles, chop chop on the Outlook upgrade for Ms. Perky Parker over there.

And while we’re on the subject of transformational alignment, let’s get serious about one thing, ‘k? ‘K? I don’t care what you have in your own personal space. We all have to play nicely. This is a cultural shift. It’s a space we haven’t explored before and requires a holistic partnering that allows us to lean forward in real time. Think of it as a workplace re-engineering, giving us the bandwidth to meet overarching eventualities.

As I’ve said many times in our workshops over the years, I encourage you all to keep thinking outside of the sand box during this iterative process. Our box has only grown and that means we have to keep thinking even further than our last time thinking outside of it. Press the continuum, people — it’s about synergies. It’s about the interfacing we haven’t even imagined since you gave us this change management contract four years ago. ManageSyst is growing and won’t be stopped!

Now, enough housekeeping. We have a hard stop in two minutes so dialogue with each other and then write down your thoughts — if you have any — on the green-striped Posties, which we’ll collect and try to enter in the virtual database. Oh, and the Ops people want me to remind you the coffee machine in the break room doesn’t take dollar bills.

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