“Look Girls, If You Want To Make It Into The Yearbook, Just Don’t Bring Your Human Body Parts Onto School Property”

A Florida high school is facing a backlash for altering the yearbook photos of 80 female students to add clothing to their chests and shoulders.

BBC News, May 25th, 2021

Hello Underage Women,

As your principal, it is my civic duty and professional honor to remind you that if you want to be featured in the yearbook, you must simply not bring your illicit, male sex organ-tempting shoulders on to school property. How hard is it to leave your perverted, sex appendages at home? This Florida high school is about honor and decency, and the boys cannot focus on cheating off your exams if they are distracted by the glistening and agonizing shine of your round, round, round, ROUUUUUUUND, shoulder…bones. Just leave them at home.

Yes, question. Sarah? Is it? Yes…Oh, you’re asking how would you write? Well, great question, just put the pen in your mouth and shake your head side to side until your neck breaks and your head rolls off to the ground like a gutter bowling ball with no bumpers. Easy!

Now girls, don’t think the faculty doesn’t support your right to have shoulders, chests, clavicles, shoulder bones, rotator cuff muscles, and pectoral regions to collectively exert a force on the upper limb within your chest cavities. We do, hashtag me too, hashtag us too, but you need to be considerate of school policy. Follow all the school rules, not just one. If you want to get into AP classes, just be smarter, and male. If you want to win spelling bees, simply spell better, and be male. If you want to be featured in the yearbook, just don’t have upper or lower bodies or heads or hair or eyes or noses or arms or legs or knees or thumbs.

And if you want to play on sports teams, just be biologically born male in male bodies that you intend to stay in, until you die of liver cirrhosis at a company happy hour at the Puerto Vallarta, Villa Del Palmar Beach Resort and Spa, after embezzling 1.8 million from real estate fraud and cultural exploitation. This is America, girls! What are you 12, 15? You’re women! You have coarse blood that flows through your lady veins and chick balls out your hoo-ha sacks. You should know better. That reminds me, please remember to inform our office secretary Mrs. Fittenscout of your period week, as you know it is against school policy to enter the premises while bleeding 46 chromosome bimbo blood out your secret gardens. This is a violent blood-free campus. Though, miniature-sized AK-47’s are fine.

Again, we value your presence here at the school. How else would the boys get their first boners during a speech and debate tournament about how Roe vs. Wade should be repealed forever, because Tucker Carlson said so once before a My Pillow commercial break. How would the boys be aroused during school hours if your sensual, soft, adolescent lips weren’t pursed in their direction and eyes wide with awe and wonder at their striking intelligence? These are just rules, and rules matter. If you want to go to this public school the government has organized through taxes and district zones you be permitted to attend by law, then follow protocol. You want to learn science, be a boy. You want to learn math, ha, ha that’s funny. You want to pass driver’s ed, really? Do you think you can parallel park? Just follow school rules, ladies. Study hard, read a lot, and keep it tight but covered because graduations almost here and those Mrs. College Degrees don’t earn themselves gals. Pilates and lipstick, am I right? Keep it tight and covered deeply and severely with a multitude of layers because boys and men are incapable of breathing complete inhales and exhales when a millimeter of underage female arm skin is within meters of visual sight and smell. OK girls, you’re dismissed for home economics. It’s sandwich day!

One comment

  1. That completely sums up Florida! [My Florida story in real life wasn’t so funny…a student was delayed emergency health care because the principal deemed it more important to have his staff find a shirt for me to wear to cover up my spaghetti straps (A shirt that I, as a sub teacher working outdoors, had “permission” to wear, even.)]


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