by Kate MacDonald

Mrs. Jones, good evening, how do you do?
My name’s John, from CNB, I’m talking to you
through the TV in the corner of your room
which we cunningly had connected up to Zoom.

I’d like to be the first to let you know
you are the winner of our Lock-Down show.
Although you nearly came second to a bloke
with a family of eight from Basingstoke

You were saved by your morning Zumba class
“Boom Boom Mamas” for ladies with sass
which you followed with yoga and Pilates
showing the world you can still bend with ease.

It has been a buzz watching every day
as your family all attempted to stay
within the bounds of what’s considered right,
so as not to give in to “flight or fight”

But close proximity eventually took its toll
Try as you might to exhibited self-control,
each day brought you closer to dystopia,
dragged you further and further from utopia.

Then we had the dangerous japes and pranks
as each tried to whittle down the familial ranks
Forced to use only what they could find,
those booby-trapped burgers come to mind

At this point, I would like to mention
how you did your best to ease the tension,
offering each one sympathy, tea, and scones
as you listened to their mithering and moans.

Of course all this time you wouldn’t be aware
how the world had been watching the whole affair.
Still, it’s my pleasure to tell you it’s all over,
from now on, money-wise, you’re in clover.

We’ll be sending a crew straight to your home,
who will then be able to debug the phone.
They’ll switch off the hidden cameras too
not forgetting the one inside the loo.

Mrs. Jones, may I say you don’t look pleased.
in fact, now I see that you have seized
a very large poker, so if I read this right
I may just have enough time to say good….