“Bye Bye Bye” To The Effortlessly Attractive Body I Didn’t Know I Had In My Twenties

Thirties: Hey Hey! Fitness, Bye Bye Bye! (Bye Bye!) Bye Bye! 

I’m feeling gross tonight.
Mean mirror’s gonna shed some light.
Oh, my reflection is a ghastly sight! 
Hey body, come on!

I took you for granted endlessly.
When I wasn’t really “fat”, you see?
So, now it’s time to donate the clothes I’ve outgrown.

I know those clothes won’t fit no more,
And I’ll just sigh. 
I really should work on my core.
Body, bye bye bye!

It must’ve been the barbecue?
Or maybe it could’ve been the cheese fondue? 
If I can’t eat those any more, I’ll cry!
Body, bye bye bye!
Bye bye!

I’d really like to look so buff.
I should really just stop eating when I’ve had enough.
It might sound crazy, but now I want pie!
Body, bye bye bye!

Metabolism hit me with the truth,
Though thirty-three’s a shitty time to!
And summer is the season!
Body, come on!

I beg of you, and plea,
After this tasty bread and brie, 
That I swear I’ll take up Crossfit once you’re gone!

I know those pants won’t fit no more.
Oh, I could cry.
Will my fat ass even fit out that door?
Body, bye bye bye!

My meal prep’s gotta change, it’s true. 
Or folks are gonna point at me and say, “Moo! Moo!” 
I may hate me, but I want a fry!
Body, bye bye bye!
Bye bye!

Don’t really wanna diet; it’s tough.
But walking up the stairs now makes me huff and puff. 
Might sound crazy, but I want a Reuben on rye!
Body, bye bye bye! 

I just can’t eat those cookies that I ate before. 
But I don’t wanna do no sit-ups on a mat on the floor. 
Bye bye!

Okay, I’ll check into the gym and scoff…
And then I’ll be inhaling my beef stroganoff! 

I know that my belly grew, from that beer I brew,
But there’s stretch marks on my behind!
(Bye bye bye!)

I don’t want to be a duff.
(Be a duff)
That would be so rough.
That I can’t deny.
Oh, ohhhhhh!

Don’t want to give up Mom’s beef stew.
Just my all time favorite meal since I was 2.
Those Pelotons look so cruel.
And I ain’t that spry!

Body, bye bye bye!

My rising BMI? It’s rough.
More cellulite at thirty-three? I had enough!
Can’t even fit these jeans on my left thigh!

Bye bye!

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