Your Parents Who Haven’t Left The House In Five Years Can’t Wait For Quarantine To Be Over

Thank god the world is finally opening back up. Your father and I cannot wait to start getting back out there again. Also, are you joining us tonight? We’re watching Scandal and then playing the Monopoly edition of Scandal.  

We’re just so excited to get out of the house and start living. By the way, your father and I are getting a new couch, this one leans back but not far enough. We thought about buying his and hers recliners but didn’t want to be that couple. Also they don’t make them in dog size and you know how Pamela is about feeling left out. Oh, what’s that? Yes, we’ve mounted the TV on the ceiling.

I can’t tell you how much I needed a change of pace. We’ve felt so helpless not even being able to step out for simple errands! Do you mind getting the door? The Instacart delivery is here. It’s Jerry, he’s our favorite. He gets us the nice yogurt, and he knows how to find the AppleTV channel! He’s like a son to us now.

Just think about everything we can go back to again. In-person book club. In-person puzzle club. In-person FarmVille club. Oh, could you walk the dog while you’re home? It’s been a few months.

Whatever the next big adventure is, I’m ready for it! Look out, world! Maybe I’ll go out and buy a snazzy new Ferrari. Or maybe even a gag welcome mat! I saw online Marshall’s has one that says “Come Back With Chocolate!” You know what? I’m just going to order it. I don’t need to see it in person, it’s spectacular. This weighted blanket I ordered is amazing too, right? Just don’t use it for longer than a few minutes, it’s so heavy it cuts off your breathing and people have died.

Mostly, your father and I are excited to make new friends. Sure, we haven’t done that since you were in kindergarten and we could meet other adults through arranging playdates, but we’re ready to put ourselves out there and socialize! Can I ask, have you made any new friends recently? Ones who have parents? Parents we can meet while you kids play together?

What’s that? You want us to go out with you? To dinner? Tonight? To a restaurant? I mean, I’m not sure how Jerry would feel about that. He’s also the local UberEats driver and he’s expecting me to order any minute. Hmm. Maybe I could invite him out with us? Is that okay? Great! I’ll text him.  

Wow! This is so thrilling. Let’s go to dinner, in a restaurant! Honey, where are my shoes? Oh, that’s right. We threw them away. Oh well! 

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