Tripadvisor Reviews For Hotel California

A lovely place. *****

What a nice surprise to find this place in the middle of the desert. Tiffany, host had a lovely face and manner. We’ll be back for sure.

Host Response: Thanks for staying! We loved having you here and can’t wait to see you another time! I think you’ll find it’s great here any time of year.

A lovely space! ****

Loved the funky Mission Bell at the front door. I’m not one to complain but the candlelit corridors did not provide enough lighting and made it hard to find my room. I accidentally found myself in a room of swingers living it up in 70’s haircuts and open kimonos. I tripped on a beanbag on the way in and landed in baby oil. Better lighting please!

The Mercedes Benz pile up by the entrance was bizarre. Why can’t people park properly?

Host Response: Glad you enjoyed your stay and sorry you found the lighting a little dark, but we do like a bit of atmosphere, and we find it adds to the vibe of our little hotel. We are working with the guests on safe parking procedures so please bear with us on this one. So pleased you liked the Mission Bell!

Tired décor – needs a refurb. ***

On the plus side, loved our room, the Master Chambers, had a real old school vibe. The barman was quite crotchety. He introduced himself as The Captain said I could order anything I wanted. But then when I ordered a Negroni he said no, because he said he hadn’t updated the drinks menu since 1969. Also the mirrors on the ceiling were disturbing. I’ve spent a long time on a dark desert highway – and I haven’t had enough therapy to stare at myself on the ceiling all night long.

Host Response: Thank you for staying with us and sorry about the drinks menu confusion. The Captain is one of our longest serving employees and sometimes he gets forgets to do the bar stocktaking. Senior citizens, so adorable! We like to think it’s all part of the character of our little hotel. Hope you liked the complimentary pink champagne on ice.

Great dancers but a concerning animal welfare situation. **

Could hear a loud dance party in the courtyard and I went to complain but saw a bunch of pretty pretty boys dancing in powder blue spandex. I would have stayed but my wife complained about the young lithe sweaty writhing tanned toned bodies and insisted we leave immediately.

On the way back to the room a glimpse of the kitchen and could not believe what I saw: they had a live mega-fauna which they were trying to kill. This is a major health and safety breach – there’s no way a hotel should be killing a beast in the kitchen. Also given the hotel is in California I would have thought they’re better off catering to the vegan market.

Host Response: Glad you found the courtyard and what a shame you didn’t get down with the groovers. Once the cool breeze gets up in the evening, you’ll generally see less sweating and more writhing.

The beast you saw is part of our medieval banquet fest and our guests seem to love it. As for appealing to the vegan market, let’s just say there are more meateaters in California than you dream of. We maintain high levels of hygiene and have only had three first aid entries, eight unexplained faecal events and just six banquet-related vomits.

Avoid at all costs*

This place is hideous. Don’t even think about staying here. To add insult to injury the check-out procedures are terrible. I couldn’t find the exit. Tiffany at client services kept telling me to relax, you’re not a prisoner here of your own device, which stressed me out more. Also what the hell does that mean? In the end swung outside on a twisted bedsheet and landed on a pile up of mercs and made a run for it.

Host Response: This place is obviously out of your league, come back when you have more life experience and also money. By the way you are free to go any time you like. I think you’ll find most of our guests have already checked out.

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