If You Give A Girlboss A Glass Of Wine, She’s Going To Drink A Second Glass Of Wine

If you give a girl boss a glass of wine, she’s going to need a second glass of wine. After a long day, she deserves it! When she sips her second glass she’ll continue relaxation by bingeing an entire series on Netflix that she’s already seen, and she’ll accidentally stay up until 3 a.m. 

When her alarm goes off after four hours of sleep—she’s going to need a large cold brew with a tiny splash of almond milk to set herself up for success. To avoid coffee jitters, she’s going to grab a bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel. Starting the day with breakfast is a critical act of self-care!

After her breakfast sandwich, she’ll be running late and need to take an Uber to work. When she steps out in front of the office and calculates the tip, she’ll realize she’s spent $45 before 8:30 a.m. Go Getter! But she’ll need to take a walk around the block to breathe through her personal financial crisis—sunshine gets the vibes right! Set that intention, girl! Manifest more money!

She walks for an hour because that’s how long it takes to cope with (justify) spending $45. After her walk, she’s going to be at peace with her bank account and soaking-wet sweaty. She’ll need to stop into an H&M to buy an entire new outfit. Professionalism counts. And no worries, debit card, she saved you 10% by opening a credit card! 

When she finally struts into the office nearly two hours late, she knows she looks too good to have let anyone down— especially herself! Isn’t she the only BOSS she answers to anyway!? She knows not to apologize for being late but to say thank you for waiting. Power move! To keep the power going at her desk she’s going to need Beyonce in her headphones. Once she knows who runs the world, she’ll be able to respond to nearly five e-mails. 

To congratulate herself on doing her job even though she had a one-of-those-mornings, she’s going to treat herself to lunch. You have to spend money to make money! She’ll want to mind her physique so of course a salad—and it’s not her fault this city charges $20 for them after you add grilled chicken and avocado and salmon and double dressing! Stay fit!

After mowing down a salad in her new outfit she’ll be feelin’ herself. Knowing how good she looks, she’s going to text her ex. The best revenge is a life well lived and that ass hole deserves to know! 

When he doesn’t respond to her calls or texts or sexts, she’ll slump back at her desk with curved shoulders of disappointment. 

And by 3:00 her neck will hurt from all her sulking and she’s going to need a massage so she dips out a little early. Work/life balance is so important—right queen?

When she gets home after her massage, she’ll order take out to avoid craning her neck over the stove. She’ll eat half her Chinese food and pack the rest away for lunch tomorrow. Being prepared for tomorrow is the ultimate way for a girl boss to care for herself. 

To show gratitude for herself for making great choices, she takes a glass from the sink, rinses it, and pours a glass of wine. And if you give a girl boss a glass of wine, she’s going to need a second glass of wine.

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