Dear Peter,

I hope Bouncer’s behaving, and you’re not overfeeding him. Don’t let him sleep on your bed.

Malta’s hotter than I remember. At the hotel, I mentioned being stationed here and the hotel’s owner (who can’t have been long out of nappies in the ’70s) has since been regaling your mum with old ‘British soldier’ anecdotes in the bar.

I go off to bed and leave them to it.

His stepdaughter, Petra, works in the hotel (children support their parents over here). Your mum went souvenir shopping and Petra was off duty, so I bought her a drink and one thing led to another… we discovered we had more in common than we’d realised.

I must say, your mum’s been very understanding.

Mum is coming home as scheduled, and will relieve you of Bouncer. We’ll follow when Petra can get away.

She’s looking forward to meeting her half-brother. – Dad