Candyman x 1
Candyman x 2
Candyman x 3
Candyman: I MUST SHED INNOCENT BLOOD.
Kevin: I only said ‘Candyman’ three times. You shouldn’t-
Candyman: Well, no, you said it once, then you said it twice, then you said it three times. So that’s five times in total.
Candyman: I appeared on the fifth time you said.
Kevin: You didn’t.
Candyman: I did. You were just really quick saying it the sixth time.
Kevin: Okay, I don’t need anything. You can-
Candyman x 4
Kevin: That was four times.
Candyman: Carry over one from before.
Kevin: Oh right.
Candyman: Can I-?
Candyman x 5
Kevin: Nothing. No. That was–five times and you appeared. Just like the legend.
Candyman: I know. Say Candyman five times and poof, I appear. I actually appear to cause murder and mayhem if you remember.
Kevin: Okay. That’s fine. I’m just trying- It doesn’t matter. No need for murder and mayhem. Thanks for your help.
Candyman x 6
Candyman: Look, I’m trying to read here.
Kevin: Sorry. I’m just trying an experiment to see what happens when you say Candyman multiple times.
Candyman: I appear and impale you with my hook and then get my bees to eat you.
Candyman: Nah, I’m just kidding. Well, look, you know the legend, if you say Candyman fives times then I appear – murder, mayhem, the whole deal.
Kevin: Yeah, but I just said it six times and you appeared.
Candyman: Huh. So, say Candyman five or six times and I appear. I mean, it’s interesting I suppose but-
Kevin: Do you feel any different?
Candyman: No- hang on, no, yes I do. My back doesn’t hurt, my hook is a bit shinier-
Kevin: So, you’re a superior version of Candyman.
Candyman: Thank you very much, you’re not so bad yourself.
Kevin: Well, that’s interesting. Want to try and see what happens when I say Candyman seven times?
Candyman: Go for it.
Candyman x 7
Kevin: You’re taller.
Candyman: So, the more times you say Candyman, the more impressive the Candyman. Do eight.
Candyman x 8
Candyman takes his contact lenses out.
Candyman: Don’t need contacts. This is great. Do ten. Let’s see what twice as impressive a Candyman looks like.
Candyman x 10
Two Candymen appear.
2nd Candyman: I MUST SHED INNOCENT BLOOD!
1st Candyman: No, chill. Chill, it’s just an experiment.
2nd Candyman: An experiment?
1st Candyman: We’re seeing what happens when you say Candyman multiple times.
Kevin: Two Candymen.
1st Candyman/2nd Candyman: Cool.
Kevin: So, if you say Candyman ten times, two Candymen appear. We’ve got to try fifteen times.
Candymen x 15
Three Candymen appear.
3rd Candyman: I MUST SHED INNOCENT BLOOD.
2nd Candyman: That’s what she said.
1st Candyman: No, we’re not doing the blood thing. Did you know that if you say Candyman in multiples of five then more than one Candyman appears?
3rd Candyman: Shut up! Really? So, you said it, what, fifteen times?
Kevin: Yeah, and now there’s three of you. If I said it a hundred times, there’d be twenty of you. Think of all the good we can do.
Candymen: *General protest*
1st Candyman: I’m sorry. We’re Candymen. Murder, mayhem. Shedding innocent blood. We’re evil.
Kevin: Yeah, are you though?
2nd Candyman: I think so. We terrorised the people of Calibri Green.
Kevin: Yeah, but you were pretty badly wronged.
3rd Candyman: You’re telling me.
Kevin: So, really, are you evil, or mad, or driven by pain and revenge to seek justice?
2nd Candyman: It is pretty unclear.
Kevin: I’ve always thought so.
1st Candyman: Aren’t we just different take on Freddie Kruger or Michael Myers?
3rd Candyman: I’ll be honest, I’ve always seen us as more of a Darth Vader. A flawed but good man driven to great evil by circumstance.
2nd Candyman: I never watched the prequels.
Kevin: So, look, there’s three of you, with your great supernatural power. Why don’t you try and help people?
1st Candyman: Could do, I suppose.
3rd Candyman: We could get the bees to make honey.
2nd Candyman: What about the hook? Could we do some nice embroidery.
3rd Candyman: Lovely.
1st Candyman: Hang on. Sewing and beekeeping? I MUST SHED INNOCENT BLOOD!
2nd Candyman/3rd Candyman: YEAH!
2nd Candyman: Start with that one.
1st Candyman: Yeah! Interrupting me when I was reading.
The Candymen murder and eviscerate Kevin.
3rd Candyman: Right. Calibri Green?
1st Candyman: Hey, we could split the Uber fare.
2nd Candyman: Wow, three Candymen are *so* much better than one