I cannot wait for our super chill, laid-back weekend trip that I have planned in perfect detail. Just a few things to note before we depart Friday morning at precisely 0500 hours.
First off, you MUST have fun — haha! But seriously, it’s required. Not that it can be measured, but I will periodically check on our levels of fun by using an equation — laughs plus conversation divided by hours. So simple when you think about it deeply for a long time.
Second, good vibes only! Leave all of those negative thoughts at home. This is supposed to be a positive, chill weekend whether you like it or not (even if your dog died last week, Brian). And last but not least, relax! I’m dead serious, please relax. None of us can have a good time if you’re not at ease while closely following the itinerary I’ve made. Speaking of which, here’s a very brief, loosey goosey schedule for this totally go-with-the-flow vacation.
Head out! This will be a smooth, easy ride out to the mountains per the pre-programmed route I installed in your GPS. There are plenty of places along the way to use the bathroom or fill up your tank during our predetermined pitstop times. Please see attached spreadsheet to know exactly where your vehicle falls in the caravan line.
Arrive at the cabin! Feel free to take in the crisp, fall air during this 25-minute period of designated yard time.
A yummy, casual dinner at the cabin! No need to bring anything, I have purchased everything necessary. Don’t stress about paying me back! I’ll just Venmo request you when you least expect it weeks from now in the dead of night. And don’t worry about cooking, messes, cleanup, etc. We’re in luck, my chore wheel fits in the trunk!
Bedtime! Totally kidding, we’re all adults here, no one needs a “bedtime.” Think of this more as “lights-out-kitchen-closed-quiet hours-stay-in-your-bed-until-morning-time.”
A morning hike for those who are so inclined. Totally not mandatory, but just in case, I bought extra hiking boots in each of your sizes. I spent a lot of money and can’t return them. No pressure!
Do your own thing!
Wine time! Let’s get wild at this low-key tasting I have scheduled at a winery nearby. Whether you like red, white, or bubbles, we’ll be drinking the Sauvignon Blanc I chose. Something for everyone!
Pack up! There’s no better way to wind down from a crazy outing than by packing your belongings neatly as you carefully check items off the packing list I sent earlier this week.
Head home! Time flies when you’re having calculated fun. Once I’ve completed my military-grade bed check (I want to see quarters bounce), we’ll drive back, bummed to be at the tail end of the most relaxing weekend of our lives.
That’s all. Easy, right? See you Friday for our chill ass weekend trip! Please be prompt, the caravan will leave without you.