Musical accompaniment: Bach, Cello Suite No. 3 in C major, prelude.

I tried to get you off my mind —
I masterbated ‘til near-blind ;
I purchased a gym membership
and bought clothes someone said was hip ;
my friends told me to get a pet
and click links off the internet ;
but I named my cat after you
and can’t find my group on yahoo.
I tried yoga and pilates —
I bought golf clubs and freestyle skis ;
but that’s how my back gets injured
and pain pills make my vision blurred ;
I upgraded my old laptop
so I could play Fortnite nonstop ;
I got myself a new nose ring 
and went to Vegas to hear Sting ;
I’m disregarding Bach’s études
and learning to like vegan foods ;
I put profiles on dating apps
which turned into a judgement lapse ;
I went out and chased down some dames
who have green hair and no last names ;
I brought them home and made them meals,
convincing them to wear high heels ;
but none of this has any love
and my ex-wife’s all I think of ;
eternal sunshine of the mind —
I’m just not the forgetful kind.