It’s Time To Play “Will My Christmas Plans Kill Anyone This Year!?!”

It’s that magical time of the year when holiday lights are twinkling, the smell of mulled cider is in the air, and hearts are aglow with feelings of kinship, good cheer, and abject terror that the next family gathering could finally be the thing that kills great-grandma and it will be all your fucking fault.

Imagine this: Great Grandma Bertha. She’s survived the depression, polio and smoked-salmon-flavored Oreos, but now she’s coming to your house to very possibly be felled at last by germs you don’t even know you’re carrying- or are you!?! It’s all part of the nerve-wracking joy of yuletide in Hasbro’s latest board game: Ho-Ho-Homicron!

The game begins as the table has been carefully laid, presents are under the tree and the advent calendar is counting down…will your home be the site of a festive and much-anticipated family reunion, the nexus of the next super spreader event, or will you be the Grinch Motherfucker who actually cancels Christmas? You’ll never know till you roll the die and find out!

Cruise around the board encountering exciting obstacles: Whoops! An email from school says someone’s been exposed…add fourteen Stress Points. Should you really keep that “optional” dentist appointment? Say “aaah,” and rack up 53 Worry Medallions. Your stepsister’s whole family has come down with fever, chills, and their eyebrows have fallen out? Disinvite them and collect 144 Resentment Thumbtacks on which to impale yourself.

Draw one of the False Sense of Security Cards to find out: do you “worry too much” or is your house about to be turned into a hippie-style Chicken Pox Party for the plague? If Great Aunt Madeline arrives with sniffles and diarrhea, how many minutes will it take you to kick her petrie-dish-of-a-retirement-home-living ass out of the sacred cleanroom you have made of your domicile using Clorox wipes and hospital-grade HEPA filters?

Ho-Ho-Homicron’s gripping board design takes advantage of the very latest in turbo charged extreme guilt engineering developed by a Russian grandmother who would like to meet her third grandchild before she dies if it isn’t too much to ask. Complete a series of tasks including making the entire meal gluten-free for just one person, and drawing up a seating chart for such delightfully unpredictable characters as: Last-Year-I-Sneezed-on-the Turkey Timothy, Asymptomatic Abby, Conspiracy-Theory Carl, Auntie Vaxx, and Who-Brought-Mall-Santa?.

Will Compromised-Immunity Kevin be in the ICU by New Year’s because of your ill-advised decision to seat him next to Surprise-I’m-Not-Actually-Vaccinated Susan? Or will you save the day by leaving their Christmas presents in the garage foyer and pretending to be in Sweden?

Startling new developments await you at every turn so don’t be surprised if you develop mild heart palpitations, existential dread, or a burning desire to hide under your bed for the rest of the game- that’s all part of the super-amazing-stomach-churningly-unpredictable fun! Please note that Hasbro will not be held responsible for your inability to watch Contagion, hear a doorbell, or see letters of the Greek alphabet ever again without breaking out in both hysterical laughter and banana hives.

After all, who doesn’t love a fast-paced board game in which players take turns trying not to kill each other, and/or risk alienation from the whole family? So have a night in- way, way in- with Ho-Ho-Homicron. The fun is contagious! Highly, highly contagious! Like, apparently, it’s a tsunami of fucking contagiousness! Available in stores- and pretty much everywhere else- now!

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