Remember to Tell Your Parents All About the Happy Dance Party at King Herod’s Castle

Gather round, kids! Mrs. S has a special story for you at today’s Preschool Chapel Time. I know how much you enjoyed The Plagues of Egypt last week. Your mommies and daddies told me that you had many dreams about that one, and they asked me to please stop telling you about oozing boils and the murder of firstborns. Mommies and daddies can really be party poopers, right? But OK, no more talking about horrible punishments from God! That does limit us to just a few Bible stories, but I will try my best.

Once upon a time, in a magical place called The New Testament, there lived a king named Herod. Herod was a mighty king indeed, and the people quaked with fear when they even thought about him. Mrs. S always wanted someone to quake with fear when they thought about her, but Mrs. S doesn’t scare anybody. Except apparently when she’s talking about plagues.

Anyhoo, King Herod liked to teach people who made him sad a lesson. He would throw them into jail for really long timeouts, and when they were really sorry they could go back to playing. Some people weren’t sorry enough, and King Herod would take away their food. That would usually help them be sorry. Just think about that, boys and girls—your tummies so empty, and wondering if you would ever get anything to eat ever again! Mrs. S is doing intermittent fasting because she needs to lose 15 pounds before her high school reunion, so she knows exactly how those not-sorry people felt in those jails.

King Herod had heard about a strange man named John the Baptist. Mister Baptist wore clothes made out of dried locust bodies, that crunched when he walked. He liked to travel around shouting at people to be sorry for their sins. King Herod wanted people to be sorry also, so maybe they could be friends! But then John the Baptist told King Herod that HE should be sorry too. That made King Herod mad, because the king didn’t think he had done anything wrong. You know how sometimes you get all the blame for something your stupid little brothers and sisters did? Poor King Herod!

So it was into timeout for Mister Baptist. Do you think he was sorry? I sure hope so!

Meanwhile, King Herod had a big dinner party at the castle, to cheer himself up. The royal cooks made all his favorite foods. The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly what was served, but I’m guessing chicken nuggets, and maybe Doritos. Wow, this story is making Mrs. S hungry! But she can’t eat anything for another four and a half hours!

Back to the party. So one of the guests was a very pretty girl named Salome. Salome loved to dance, and so at the party she did a special dance, just to help cheer King Herod up. The Bible doesn’t say, but maybe she did the macarena, or the electric slide. Whatever dance she did, King Herod loved it! He loved Salome’s dance so much that he told her she could ask for anything and he would give it to her. This is the part the Bible DOES tell us, my young friends. Guess what that silly Salome wanted? No, not a Poppit. Not a Barbie dream house. She asked the king to have Mister Baptist’s head cut off, and brought to her on a platter. A platter is a big plate, like what your mommies put your Thanksgiving turkeys on. Mrs. S really loves turkey and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. Do any of you have any candy on you? Check your pockets. Even a few M&Ms would be great.

But back to the story. Mister Baptist got his head chopped right off. Whap! That must have really been an ouchie!! So Miss Salome got just what she asked for, and that made her smile. King Herod didn’t have to think about being sorry anymore, so that made him smile. And so except for the beheading part, our Bible story has a happy ending!

Thank you for being such good listeners, boys and girls! Remember to tell your parents all about the happy dance party at King Herod’s castle, maybe when you wake up crying in the middle of the night. I’ll see you next week, and tell you about another silly girl, named Lot’s wife. Oh, and thanks for the peanut butter cup, Timmy!