King Midas Weight Loss System – The number one program of its kind in Europe is now available here! A completely painless, in-office procedure which works within minutes changes your molecular relationship with comestibles rendering them inedible and, in fact, recyclable into exquisite accessories! KM System guaranteed to slim you down and bling you up! Check out Fatfreegoldtouch.com for details.
Peter Pan, M.D., F.A.C.S., A.B.P.S., is now offering the latest “Fairy Dew-Face” retexturing of complexion as well as lifting of eyelids, cheeks, necks, chins, foreheads, eyebrows, earlobes, and horns. With the help of his qualified assistant,Wendy Darling, R.N., Dr. Pan can assure that you “never grow up.” Retain the fresh wholesome expression you had in the nursery! See before-&-after’s on myyouthback.com.
Let Down Your Long Hair Salon – Excessively long tresses to buzz cuts, Rapunzel does it all at her luxurious, five star hair spa. No longer want that rope ladder look and nuisance? Let Punzie show you the latest in Snow White bobs, Pixie cuts, Cinderella curls, and the latest shades of Goldilocks. Call 1-888-RP-curls.
Red’s Exterminators – Vermin, cads, rogues, or rapscallions in your cottage? She’s not so little anymore and Red Riding Hood is ready to rid you of pests. Easy terms including trading for beans, baskets of baked goodies from Grandma’s oven, or even gambling on riddles. Tired of ogres and blackguards? Call 1-800-LIL-RDRH today.
Alone in your castle, hovel, shoe, tower, or even enchanted semi-coma? Wake up and meet your Prince or Princess Charming! Snow White’s Love Connection can help you find your happily ever after! Your first on-line peek at her trove of romance-seekers is absolutely free. Trolls, gnomes, fairies, dwarves, ruby-lipped stepdaughters, royalty of all ranks, and even ogres are waiting! Visit kissafrog.com for details and your destiny!
Dorothy Gale Realty – Need to sell your gingerbread house or hidey hole? Dorothy Gale with her vast experience, including masterminding the Emerald Pointe Seniors Resort Community, Sleeping Beauty’s overgrown castle renovations and expansion, and the 3Bears Luxury Townhomes Complex, can help you find your new dream residence. Let Dot put you in a place of ooooh’s and Oz! Call 1-888-TORNADO.
Worn out your Seven-league boots? Fractured your glass slipper? Cinderella Shoe Repair has re-opened in the newly-updated Little Old Woman’s Shoe at the corner of Prince and Pauper. Forget the old cobbler whose children go barefoot! CSR is friendly, efficient, and finishes every job by midnight the same day. Mention this ad and get all Red Shoes disenchanted at 50% off. Stop by today!
Jack’s Garden Guys – Giant beanstalks, haunted trees, and thorny vines ruining your landscape? Overrun with soporific poppies? Jack’s GG’s will make short work of all your outdoor needs with swords, spells, and modern alchemical fertilizers and weedkillers. Lawns greened in an instant with “Magic Touch,” pet-friendly spray-potion technology. Call Jack today at 1-800-VERDANT.
The Captain’s Prosthetics – Lost an arm, leg, foot, or tail in wizardry combat or random swordplay? Need a custom arch support in your boots or silk slippers? Just want a modern new hook? Vast experience, Mateys, awaits you at The Captain’s! Prosthetics, orthotics, and decorative artificial body parts are all available and carefully fitted by experts! Check out our work at Yohohonewparts.com
Tinker Bell, Ph.D. Counseling & Therapy – Difficulty with step-relatives, belligerent ogres, or intrusive witches? Does your mate refuse to grow up? Do you have so many children you don’t know what to do? Do you eat no fat and your spouse eats no lean? Conflict resolution and peace of mind can be yours though the “Happy Thoughts” method of The Ageless Grandam of Positivity, Dr. Bell, formerly of the renowned Neverneverland Clinic on the Second Star to the Right. Start leading the enchanted life you deserve tomorrow with Dr. Bell’s help today. 1-800-LETSFLY