1:24 AM: Elderly Cat
I heard the blankets rustle, are you awake?

1:24 AM: Elderly Cat
Hey. Hey.

1:25 AM: Elderly Cat
HEY! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!

1:25 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Jesus. What.

1:26 AM: Elderly Cat
There’s a wolf in the kitchen. [fear emoji]

1:26 AM: Sage Tyrtle
There is not a wolf in the kitchen.

1:27 AM: Elderly Cat
Yes there is! It’s in there! I heard it! It’s BREATHING.

1:28 AM: Elderly Cat
Are you there?

1:30 AM: Elderly Cat
HEY, LISTEN.

1:30 AM: Sage Tyrtle
For fuck’s sake.

1:30 AM: Elderly Cat
How will I get to my FOOD BOWL? With WOLVES in there?

1:30 AM: Sage Tyrtle
I have to wake up at 6 AM. Go away.

1:30 AM: Elderly Cat
Remember when you adopted me from the shelter? You said you’d always
protect me?

1:30 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Right now I am protecting you from your own paranoia.

1:31 AM: Elderly Cat
Ha ha.

1:31 AM: Elderly Cat
Remember when you thought the pipes clanking was ghosts?

1:32 AM: Elderly Cat
Are you there?

1:33 AM: Elderly Cat
Help me! [howling wolf emoji] [crying emoji]

1:45 AM: Sage Tyrtle
ARRRRGH

1:45 AM: Elderly Cat
It’s been AN HOUR!

1:46 AM: Elderly Cat
I’M DIZZY FROM HUNGER

1:46 AM: Elderly Cat
HELLO? HELLO?

1:46 AM: Sage Tyrtle
what

1:46 AM: Elderly Cat
Oh thank god. I thought the wolves got you.

1:46 AM: Sage Tyrtle
I wasn’t asleep, I was… killing the wolf in the kitchen with my mind.
It took awhile.

1:46 AM: Elderly Cat
Really?

1:47 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Yes. There was so much blood. Now sleeping. Zzz.

1:49 AM: Elderly Cat
I love you. I really, really love you.

1:50 AM: Elderly Cat
Okay. Can you hear me? I’m yelling so you can hear me, I’m going in the
kitchen now, bravely going into the kitchen… by myself… I’m —

1:50 AM: Elderly Cat
YOU LIED! THE WOLF IS STILL IN THERE!

1:51 AM: Sage Tyrtle
OH MY GOD GO AWAY

1:51 AM: Elderly Cat
[photo of a wolf eating a cat]

1:51 AM: Sage Tyrtle
where did you even find that picture

1:52 AM: Elderly Cat
You have to come to the kitchen while I eat.

1:52 AM: Elderly Cat
Or I will die.

1:53 AM: Sage Tyrtle
If I watch you eat will you go away?

1:53 AM: Elderly Cat
Yes. I promise. Anything.

1:54 AM: Elderly Cat
No, that food’s too old. I need new food. No! The red can.

1:54 AM: Elderly Cat
Are you watching me eat?

1:54 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Yes. I’m right here, in the chair.

1:54 AM: Elderly Cat
Are you still watching me?

1:55 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Yes. Still watching you.

1:55 AM: Elderly Cat
Are you still watching me?

1:55 AM: Elderly Cat
Hey.

1:55 AM: Elderly Cat
HEY!

1:57 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Yup. Watching you. Awake.

1:57 AM: Elderly Cat
No more wolves, coming up the stairs in a minute to cuddle you. [heart
emoji] [heart emoji] [heart emoji]

1:57 AM: Sage Tyrtle
???

1:57 AM: Elderly Cat
oops wrong person

1:57 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Just closing my eyes for a one second.

1:58 AM: Sage Tyrtle
[snoring emoji]

2:35 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Are you done eating?

2:35 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Are you — you LEFT! You aren’t even HERE!

2:36 AM: Elderly Cat
Shut up, I’m in Billy’s room. You’ll wake him up.

2:36 AM: Sage Tyrtle
I COULD HAVE BEEN EATEN BY WOLVES

2:37 AM: Elderly Cat
Can’t hear you, purring too loud.

2:37 AM: Sage Tyrtle
You — I can’t even. I’m going back to bed.

2:52 AM: Sage Tyrtle
Hello?

2:53 AM: Sage Tyrtle
I can’t sleep.