Hygge Is Financially Ruining Me

It was never meant to be this way. I never meant to let it get so out of control. It was just supposed to be a few candles and maybe a pair of socks.

Do you know how much it’s possible for a pair of socks to cost? Or a really big, really cozy blanket?

A lot! It’s possible for them to cost a lot. Enough that my budgeting app is totally freaking out and has sent me, like, seventeen emails. At least my bank hasn’t flagged my credit card.

Yet.

It’s just that I do not know how to get through without enough supplies to make at least twenty crockpot’s worth of soup. I just don’t!

How is one supposed to sit on the couch without a blanket on their lap and a different one wrapped around their entire body, like a cape? How is one supposed to travel to the kitchen to fix their 24th cup of tea without said cape still affixed to them? God help whoever isn’t wearing at least one piece of clothing made out of fleece!

You know how bears prepare to hibernate? I am pretty sure that I evolved from a bear. My Home Goods bill is my version of hyperphagia. I needed 32 new mugs just like I needed at least half of them to be big enough to fit a significant portion of my crockpot’s soup. I needed two new crockpots. I needed new fireplace tools, and I needed a new fireplace. I needed the warmest snow boots possible on the off chance that I even think about stepping outside just once before the first blooms of spring. And I needed to get them in a size up because of all the socks I’ll be wearing.

And my goodness: do I need lotion. Several bottles. At least 43. When I am not sipping (chugging) tea or spooning (shovelling) soup out of one—or several— of my mugs, I am rubbing lotion onto every part of my dry, peeling body. I can’t make it through even one zoom meeting without lathering on some hand cream. There are bottles of lotion on my desk, stuffed in between my couch cushions, scattered about the bathroom, and even in the spice drawer.

Oh, and I need mittens. For I will have those on whenever I am not applying lotion. I need at least 48 pairs. If anyone even tries to come at me with a pair of gloves, I will lose it. Do you even know what comfy cozy is? Are you a masochist? 

And scarves. Did I mention scarves? If you’re surprised, well, what did you think I was wearing under my blanket cape and over my knitted turtleneck that weighs almost fifteen pounds? Yes, I need scarves, and the thicker the better. If they make a person wonder whether they are actually a curtain, then they’re perfect. Give me 60 of them.

Honestly, I’m so thankful I discovered hygge. The Danes are so smart. It really is the simple, little things that comfort a person, you know?

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