Quiz:  How Angry Are You?

1)    When someone cuts me off in traffic, I:
    a) take a deep breath and remind myself that they may be having a worse day than mine.
    b) slap my steering wheel with both hands and swear softly.
    c) hit my horn for eight solid seconds and bang a first on the dashboard while cursing like a drunken longshoreman.

2)    After the coin-op car wash machine takes my $5.00 and refuses to work, I:
    a) am glad I have $5 I won’t really miss and move on to another stall with hope.
    b) I send a flaming text to the contact number on the info sign threatening to call the BBB.
    c) rip the washer nozzle off and toss it, puncture all the hoses of the car-vacs with my keys, and slam into the exit sign on purpose as I flee.

3)     Seated next to a bad ex at a dinner party I:
    a) quietly ask someone to change spots with me and, as I move, pat the hostess lightly on the arm with a confidential wink and a smile.
    b)  alternately ask him mortifying intimate questions and reminisce soulfully, watching him squirm all through the meal.
    c)  spill red wine (oops!) into his lap and later (while acting tipsy and oh-so-forgiveable!) tell the assembled group his most embarrassing personal anecdote.

4)  The mechanic tells me the work on my car is going to cost $450 more than his original estimate.  So:
    a) I sigh and tell him I’m grateful I have him to look out for my safety with an endearing shoulder shrug.
    b) I mutter “Darn!” with a smile as I start mentally composing the scathing review I intend to post widely.
    c) Grabbing the keys from his dirty hand, I flounce to my vehicle and peel out barely missing another car in his lot and screaming from my open window that the guy is a crook.

5)  Whenever I hear “Send In the Clowns” I:
    a) can’t help weeping in an abstract funk, feeling as though life is passing me by.
    b) want to call up a friend, meet for drinks to trash exes, and toast “Good Riddance!” to each one.
    c) want to slap someone hard in the face.

6) If I discover the ice cream I’ve hidden from myself in the freezer gone all crystallized-crunchy and inedible I:
    a) buck up and resolve to take a nice walk to get a cone and then come back to clean out my refrigerator.
    b) rinse it down the drain and curse myself for having bought it in the first place and for letting my fav flavor rot like everything else in my life.
    c) hurl the carton across the kitchen, watch it hit the wall exploding, and walk out of the room, feeling smug and invincible.

7) It’s 3 a.m. and I’ve been awake two hours trying to forget that unpleasant scene at the office. What next?
    a) I listen to a soothing meditation trying to release all emotion and find serenity through cleansing breaths.
    b) I get up, search for ice cream perhaps forgotten in the freezer and watch an incredibly stupid I Love Lucy while telling myself that everyone I am seeing on the screen is dead, the lucky bums!
    c) I throw my limp pillow across the room, send a vaguely alarming text to Brad at the office, and, while punching my stuffed bunny, tell myself it’s no more Ms. Nice Girl.

8) My five year old niece gives me a family portrait she’s drawn and tells me her mommy really likes it. In the picture I am a large red creature with a mouth open in mid-scream, holding two knives, and standing apart from the others who are all normal-sized and smiling. So I:
    a) laugh a little too loudly, tell the child her mommy’s no art critic, and ask her why knives and not guns.
    b) smile at the child and tell her I’m not red, I don’t carry weapons ever and I hope she won’t either, and I ask her how her piano lessons are going since she is obviously not a visual person.
    c) crumple the portrait into a ball and toss it across the room into the fireplace saying, “Gosh! How did that happen to your mommy’s favorite picture? Get off my lap, kid!”

9) Sometimes I like to _________________ when I’m all alone.
    a) Watch Sumo wrestling and eat ice cream on Oreos.
    b) Scream into my linen closet as loudly as I can.
    c) Crush insects.

Scoring? Give yourself 1 point for every “a” answer; 2 for every “b” answer; and, 3 for every “c” answer.

9-17 points: You have a mature attitude and fine control in upsetting situations. Anger is not a large part of your daily life and personality. Consider a career or at least volunteering at a mental health call center.  

18-22 points: Cognitive behavior therapy might help you get a grip on your ire. You need to find outlets for your internal hostility, strengthen your coping skills, and develop serenity through yoga, meditation, or drugs.

23-27 points: Rid your environment of all weapons. An unhealthy and complex blend of depression and rage seems to derail you often. The high dudgeon of your daily life may be eating you alive. Do not pass “GO” and do not collect $200: Seek help immediately.