Where did I put my car keys?
What about the TV remote?
I keep misplacing things
Now I’ve lost my coat

Damn you bloody menopause
Are the hot flushes not enough?
How you’re ruining my memory
Making me lose my stuff

Stood with freezer door open
Trying to cool my bits
Sweat is pouring out of me
And I have stinky armpits

Why am I growing a stash?
I can see the hint of a beard
I’ve more facial hair than most men
That is really weird

Thank you mother nature
For dealing me this card
Had enough of women’s issues
Hormones should be barred