Hot Girl Humblebrags

“You’re so lucky! People never take me seriously. It’s like, ‘Oh, she’s good looking, so there’s no way she can be smart.’ I just hate the way that people make up their minds about you without even getting to know you, you know?”

“Omigod that dress is so cute!I wish I could buy clothes from that store, but they don’t make clothes for people with big boobs. I told the salesgirl that was discrimination but she just stared at me and walked away. It’s like, don’t you people even want to sell clothes?”

“UGH, I wish guys would stop hitting on me in restaurants. Isn’t it annoying when you literally can’t take a bite of your food because guys keep stopping by your table to ask for your number? You’re so lucky that never happens to you—you can eat your whole Big Mac in peace.”

“Ugh, it’s so hard to go shopping for clothes! I’m super tall, so jeans are always too short on me, and even if I find ones with extra-long inseams they never have a size 0 in stock.’”

“I’m so disappointed: my New Year’s Resolution was to get super fit but when I met my personal trainer for the first time he refused to work with me. He was like, ‘You don’t mess with perfection’ but then I was like, ‘Jurg, I paid for this session so we are doing this Butt Sculpt Workout.’ Such a bummer.”

“I soooooo wish I could wear short skirts but my legs are so long that it looks super inappropriate if I do. Like, they’re so short on me that I can’t even sit down. So frustrating.”

“Makeup looks like so much fun but my skin tone is so even that whenever I wear it I totally look like a clown. You’re so lucky you get to play with all that colour!”

“Seriously, you have no idea how lucky you are—clothes hang so much better on you than they do on me. I swear, in my next life, I want to be flat-chested.”

“I’m so frustrated! I went to a plastic surgeon to ask about getting a boob job, but he was all, ‘It’d be a crime to do anything to boobs this gorgeous’ and then he asked me if he could take photos and a cast so he could show them to his other clients and I was like, ‘Ew, gross, I don’t want other people wearing my boobs.'”

“I wish I was like you—you are so funny. But nobody thinks that hot girls can be funny. It’s so annoying.”

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