X-Men As Types Of Exes

illustration by Sarah Kempa

by Evan Allgood

Iceman: Sweet guy who freezes you out the instant it’s over

Cyclops: Can’t even look at you without hurting you

Kate Pryde: Transparent and tough, the one that got away

Bishop: Wants to travel back in time to make things right

Nightcrawler: Often appears out of nowhere

Mystique: You don’t even recognize her anymore

Beast: Overanalyzes everything that went wrong

Emma Frost: Every post is a thirst trap

Magneto: Attracts and repels in equal measure

Professor X: Always knows what you’re thinking

Storm: Goddess who realized you’re not on her level

Wolverine: Epic dating history; heals quickly

Rogue: Intentionally or not, sucks the life out of you

Gambit: Turns out he’s got a pet name for everyone

Jean Gray: Break her heart and she will literally burn your world down

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