One-Star Yelp Reviews Of The Three Little Pigs’ Airbnb

Marci L.
House made of straw

I’m allergic to all annual grasses (family Poaceae) and immediately went into anaphylactic shock the moment I crossed the threshold. I thought “straw” was a euphemism for green building principles. Good cell reception.

Ken W.
House made of straw

When we woke up, half the house had been eaten by goats. My wife’s father was killed by a goat. This experience has sent her back into therapy to deal with her goat-related trauma. The owner may want to consider putting up a fence or a barrier of some kind. Well-stocked kitchen.

Trevor M.
House made of straw

A big naked hairy dude tripping balls on bath salts was banging on the door all night yelling, “Little pig, little pig, let me in!” We kept telling him there’s no pig here and that we rented the place from someone named for the weekend, but it didn’t make any difference. Then he threatened to huff and puff and blow the house down. And we were like, Uh, okay, dude, whatever. But fuck if he didn’t do it. Big-screen TVs in every room.

Susan P.
House made of sticks

People from the straw house kept showing up at all hours complaining about a talking wolf banging on their door. ???!!! We paid for single occupancy, so we’ll definitely be asking for a partial refund from 3LilPigs, LLC. Nice hardwood floors throughout. 

Thaddeus F.
House made of sticks

You really don’t expect your vacation rental to be blown away by a crazy person with a leaf blower or whatever he used. Probably a Liberal. Nice color palette. 

Trevor M. 
House made of sticks

Fuck if the hairy dude didn’t show up here too! WTF? We called the cops but they said that’s what the pigs get for not building to code. Good water pressure. 

Andrew Z.
House made of bricks

The groups from the straw and stick houses, led by someone named Trevor M., insisted that we kill and eat an escaped mental patient who had been harassing them relentlessly. I agreed lest they turn on me as well. I’ll never forget the intruder’s screams of agony nor the taste of his flesh. Very comfortable mattresses.

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