Hi, I’m a teenage girl. I’ve decided that today I’m going to wear a Husker Du shirt. It’s one with the Zen Arcade album cover on. It looks pretty cool, I like it, and it’s got a really nice fit.

I have no intention of ever listening to their music.

Why would I? It’s, what, forty years old? How’s that relevant to my life? Just some sweaty old guys from the eighties shouting at each other. Not remotely interested, thank you.

Can I name three of their songs? No. Can I name any member of the band? No.

So, okay, firstly, unless we’re on a quiz show, you don’t get to question me about my music knowledge. We’re not on a quiz show, because I wouldn’t go on quiz show about Husker Du songs because I’d lose because I don’t know anything about their music. Secondly, don’t start randomly talking to teenage girls you’ve never met about their clothes. It’s weird.

I’m not wearing the shirt to ‘support the band.’ What do they need my support for? They split up twenty years before I was born. How’s my shirt going to have any bearing on that? It’s like one of them calls up the others – “hey, I just heard there’s this kid wearing one of our shirts. We should totally reform.” “Oh no, we can’t, she doesn’t know any of our songs.” – I’m not wearing the shirt to ‘support the band,’ I’m wearing it because it looks cool.

It’s also not an invitation for other Husker Du fans to talk to me. I think we’ve already established that it’s not cool to randomly talk to a teenage girl you don’t know about her clothes. If you like noisy old guy music, and you want to talk about noisy old guy music, then I’m sure there’s a subreddit for you. You can all go on there and go on about how great that bit is in the song where the sweaty guy shouts a lot, and that’s great for you. Your music, you love it. I’m happy for you. Just leave me out of it.

Anyway, isn’t it a bit crazy to assume some sort of fellowship between people based on their clothing? If I’m wearing my Fred Perry shirt and I see someone else wearing a Fred Perry shirt, I don’t run up to them and start excitedly discussing Fred’s greatest ever tennis matches. Oh look, she’s got Old Navy pants on, I wonder what her favourite warship is. Hey, I see you’ve got a Banana Republic hoodie on, let’s talk South American failed states.

It’s just a shirt.

Okay then, we’ve all established that I’m going to be wearing my Husker Du shirt today, so leave me the hell alone.

If it still really troubles you that I’m wearing a shirt for a band whose music I’ve never heard, then take comfort in the fact that tomorrow I’m wearing a Pixies shirt. I’ve heard their music, lots of it. My dad plays it all the time. It’s shit.

Cool shirt though.