A Day In The Life Of A Finance Bro

Take the subway to work to demonstrate my humility
Stand up on the ride though–a sign of my virility

Boot up my screen just before my superiors arrive, that’s right
Will eat Sweetgreen for lunch so I feel better about drinking tonight

Watch the summer intern slog through a rudimentary model
Shove him aside and use my shortcuts to go full throttle

First a Ctrl-W then an Alt F O
Open up my last iteration, and let him watch the show

Lunchtime arrives, analyst bros downing wraps too fast
Coke addict third year dramatically retelling tales from weekends past

Midafternoon, iced coffee and boring diligence call
Mindlessly reply to the whole thread—shit, Outlook recall!

Early evening first director flees out the glass doors
I dick around with my associates–developing important rapports

Expense an Uber home even though it’s not past nine
Hot shower and inspect my receding hairline

Consulting roommate bitches about work hours, surprise surprise
As I crush my Chipotle, I roll my eyes

MD emails, I respond “will do” and suppress my enormous anxiety
Down my glass and end my 24-hour sobriety

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