Calling all zombies! If you still have hands and can get yourself to a computer or county courthouse, we need your vote in the midterms! As part of the The League of Women Voters outreach program to register the dead, we’ve provided this fact sheet.
Myth-I need to be a dead Democrat to vote.
Fact- The dead of all political persuasions have voted in elections since the republic was founded, including Whigs and the Green Party.
Myth- I cannot be dead for more than a century to vote.
Fact- In recent elections there were dead and reanimated voters who had not cast a ballot since Andrew Jackson. You must, however, have been at least 18 years of age at the time you died.
Myth- I need multiple forms of ID.
Fact- It depends on the state. Some, primarily blue states, make registration and voting easy. Red states, however, can have a lot of hoops. But there are workarounds. For instance, in Texas it’s simple to get a handgun license—even if your joints are too decomposed for you to hold a gun— which is an acceptable form of voter ID. Military identification cards are okay, too, even if from the Confederacy.
Myth- Election workers will be afraid of me and think I want to eat their flesh.
Fact- Most election workers are old people. They’ve seen it all. That said, please refrain from eating anyone within a 50 foot radius of the polling location. Everyone deserves their chance to vote.
Myth – If my arm falls off before I finish voting, my whole ballot will be invalidated.
Fact- In this unlikely event, see if you can complete it with another limb. Or, ask your election worker for help. They may be able to reattach your arm with tape or a stapler.
Myth- My remains are overseas, so I can’t vote.
Fact- As long as you died a US citizen, you can request an absentee ballot.
Myth- I heard dogs, at least those registered as Democrats, voted in the last presidential election. I want to register all my dogs, living and dead.
Fact- You watch too much Fox News. Dogs cannot legally vote.
Myth- I must know how I want to vote before I step into the booth.
Fact- While technically not true…seriously? One of the senate candidates is completely insane, and the other is for building infrastructure, making strides to handle climate change, and forgiving up to $20,000 in student loan debt. And don’t get us started on Roe.
Myth- I must vote during the day, when the sun is harsh on my rotting skin.
Fact- We vote in November, after we’re off daylight saving time. There’s hardly any sun.
Myth- My vote doesn’t count.
Fact- Every vote counts, even if you’re a zombie on the day you cast it. So, vote like your life (or continued reanimation) depends on it.