Every day it’s the same.

I get to work and the texts flow in.

[Mario] It’s-a-me. No work today. Need to rescue Peach again.

[Luigi] I’m-a helping Mario. Soz.

But before I have time to groan, the phone rings…

“Hello. Mario Bros Plumbing. How can I help?”

“We have a plumbing emergency! There’s shit everywhere! We think the blockage could be banana-peel related.”

“I’m-a on my way.”

“Oh, thank you! Wait. Who is this?”

“It’s-a-me Freduardo Mario.”

Silence.

“Ummmm could Mario come instead? I’m a big fan. Or maybe Luigi?”

Sigh.

I grab my tools and head to the garage to find (surprise surprise) Donkey Kong has ‘borrowed’ my kart again. After shouting a few expletives, I reluctantly jump into the vintage 50cc one instead and putt-putt off.

Seven hours (and 20 jobs) later I tootle back to the office. My muscles ache, I have a huge headache and I just want to go home to bed…. but first I have to finish all the admin tasks:

•     feed Yoshi

•     deal with a police raid by assuring them yet again that our mushroom stash is 100% legit ‘magic’ mushrooms, not the other kind.

•     pretend I’m not home when the turtle gang turn up demanding their green shells back.

And tomorrow I get to do it all again.Actually, screw that. I hear the Wario Bros. are looking for a new employee. Or maybe I’ll throw it all in and become a regular on Super Smash Bros. Sure, there’s a chance I could break all my bones, but at least I won’t have to deal with ALL THE CRAP anymore.