“Dear Elaine,” she writes. “I have a co-worker at the gift shop. You know. Where I work. In the mall. Marlene. That’s her name. Anyway. She’d like to have a dog. But can’t. Allergies. Bad ones. Really. So she emails photos to me. Dog photos. Dogs she likes. Because, because. I’m a dog person. And she thinks I’ll like them too. And I do. But here’s the thing. Hypoallergenic dogs. They’re out there. You know? I have another friend. She has one. A hypoallergenic dog. Terrible allergies. She has. To dog dander. Really bad. But not to her dog. Her hypoallergenic dog. And Yorkies. My Holly. My sweet Yorkie. They’re hypoallergenic too. It’s a fur thing. Yorkies don’t have any. Fur. Like a human. Silky hair. That’s what they have. And you know what that means. Right? No fur. No shedding. For a Yorkie. For a hypoallergenic dog. So here’s the thing. If scientists can create hypoallergenic dogs. What about us? What about people with pollen allergies? Like me. I mean. We need hypoallergenic pine trees. And azaleas. And weeds. All of that. We need it. We do. Hey. If scientists can mess with our fruit. Fill grocery stores with mutated fruit. Stuff even the raccoons behind my apartment won’t eat. Why can’t they give us something we actually need? Like hypoallergenic trees, weeds, and bushes. Mutant fruit? Geez. Who needs that? Seriously. These scientists. What are they thinking?”  

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