My Boomer Mom’s New Year’s Resolutions For 2023

My mother made her new year’s resolutions for 2023 in true Baby Boomer fashion: loudly talking into her phone via voice-to-text with extra emphasis when narrating the punctuation.

The following are her goals for 2023:

Finally go through and organize all those pictures from our family trip to Colorado in 1995.

Relax a bit more, and don’t worry about cleaning the upstairs bathroom when the new washing machine gets delivered. The delivery guys never both need to use the bathroom at the same time, so just cleaning the downstairs bathroom is fine.

Decorate the walls more. Those “live, laugh, love” wall decorations are so pleasant. And Susan down the street got a wooden board that says “It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full, there is clearly room for more wine.” Oh, what a hoot!

Finally upgrade my 2-pound barbell weights for my morning exercises to some 3-pounders.

Follow up more often to make sure the kids are reading all those articles I send them. I don’t want my grandbabies eating any marijuana edibles mixed in with their Halloween candy!

Go a whole year without falling for one of those “copy-and-paste-this-message-before-midnight-or-Mark-Zuckerberg-will-delete-your-Facebook-account” posts.

Travel more! Life is too short, and this will be the year to finally focus on traveling! I want to see the world, immerse myself in the real culture, and see how people live across the world. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to start looking at Disney cruises!

Finally get rid of the landline phone!

Send a tweet to Hallmark to thank them for including more diversity in supporting character roles. I just love the gay best friend characters. I was kind of hoping one of my boys would turn out gay. I’ve always wanted to say “I know” when someone comes out of the closet to me. They’re all so good at hiding it!

Set up the TiVo to record every Hallmark movie this year. I have to admit, I’m addicted to all the original, will-they-won’t-they storylines! Each one is so unique because they all have their own little intrigues.

Look up all those Internet acronyms to avoid another Facebook funeral notice “LOL” incident (REMINDER: LOL means “laugh out loud,” not “lots of love.”)

Turn up the grandchildren guilting with the kids. Especially Danielle. Now that she’s 30, her clock is ticking!

Finally make my voice heard, and write that letter to the local newspaper I’ve been thinking about how there is too much violence on TV.

No more cable news after 8pm. It gets me all worked up and angry right before bed. From now on I’ll save my newspaper crosswords for bedtime.

Get out of my comfort zone with restaurants. The kids are right that I could branch out from Olive Garden.

Raise awareness that “Okay, Boomer” and “Karen” are just as hateful as the N-word.

Get more digital and learn how to FaceTime on my own.

Find out what this OnlyFans business is about. Danielle says she’s making some money on it. As her mother, I want to be her fan!

Start a TikTok about all the important life lessons I have to share. My kids never listen to me, but maybe GenZ will appreciate them!

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