Do you love trees?
So do we. We’re a climate change startup, and ever since we saw one of those videos with a sad polar bear drifting on a melting ice floe we knew we needed to do something. We’ve made it our mission to spread awareness about climate change, starting by attending every climate-related conference around the globe.
The Climate Change Expo? We’ll be there. The Climate Leadership Summit? We’ll be there. The United Nations Climate Change Conference? We’ll be at a hotel a few blocks away. It’s actually pretty hard to get in.
We’ll stop at nothing to get our message out there. Our CEO has personally logged over 100 flights in the past year on our venture-funded jumbo jet. Let me tell you, this baby can fly! Climate change is not stopping, so if we want to get the word out, we have to do it fast!
Did you know that 78 million acres of the Amazonian rainforest are destroyed every year? To make sure that you don’t forget, at the next conference we’ll be handing out pens that we had specially carved from real Amazonian rainforest wood.
We’ll also be plastering the conference halls with thousands of flyers that we’ve had printed on ultra-dense, high-quality varnished cardstock. They will be everywhere you look. These flyers are almost impossible to throw away, so you have to read them!
Every individual in our startup is deeply committed to our efforts — we care about this so much that we don’t sleep. We keep our offices open, our heaters running, and our lights on around the clock to show how much we care about doing environmental good.
It’s not easy but these are the types of tactics we have to use if we want to make the earth a more sustainable, better place to live.
You might be wondering — what does our startup do?
We take discarded potentially turtle-murdering plastic straws and weave them into luxury handbags. We have our factory working day and night to produce these beautiful purses that will ultimately save the planet. Every plastic straw that we keep out of a landfill helps keep our oceans clean and our air clear. What other $1200 handbag gives you that kind of peace of mind?
Investing in the welfare of the earth is investing in the future. Also, we only accept payments in crypto. Some say that producing crypto may have three times the amount of environmental impact as cash, but that just means we’re going to have to work three times as hard!
If you’re flying in for the upcoming Global Climate Conference, be sure to visit us at booth D27. Just look for the flowing fountain handbag display and the pulsing neon sign that says “Doing Our Part!” You can’t miss it.