1. At a party you really enjoy:
a) looking at the host’s bookshelves with your head cocked ninety degrees so you can read every blessed title.
b) Plunking yourself down somewhere and not moving, speaking only with people you know who happen to cruise by.
c) Circulating like blood, doing your Meryl Streep imitation often, and eventually starting a conga line or an extremely loud game of Charades.
2. All your socks are:
b) Cotton in the “three B’s”: beige, black, brown.
c) Extravagantly colored and patterned (often with words like “Smell me!” woven into them) and always worn mismatched.
3. When you eat out you really go for:
a) A turkey sandwich on white bread at Denny’s or on occasion a madcap Grand Slam late in the day!
b) The neighborhood Asian place where the “hot” mustard is French’s Classic Yellow and the entire staff are natives of Utah.
c) The Vietnamese cafe where you order thirteen dishes (including unidentifiable items from the sea) and the hot sauce has been known to cause convulsions.
4. On a Saturday night you can often be found:
a) Trying to complete a New York Times crossword that you found on the bus.
b) Cleaning your bathroom and then ordering white pizza-for-one to eat while watching “Svengoolie.”
c) Going to a rave and dancing until sunrise with some Eurotrash guy whose name you never understand.
5. If you were a color you would be:
b) Baby Blue.
c) Eye-searing yellow.
6. Were you asked by a friend you would be glad to to go a:
a) lecture on improving liver function.
b) Norwegian documentary with subtitles on Nordic folk dancing.
c) Wiccan bonfire ritual in the woods.
7. A dream destination of yours is:
a) Des Moines.
c) It’s a tie: The Casbah in Algiers or anywhere in the Bermuda Triangle.
8. In your whole life you have NEVER yet:
a) had an overdue library book.
b) kissed someone you just met.
c) Set fire to a building for the insurance money so you could afford a trip to Algeria.
9. Your current vehicle is:
a) a 2011 Kia or Subaru.
b) a sturdy bicycle and public transit.
c) a classic 1982 Mercedes-Benz 380SL or your unicycle.
10. If someone asked you to describe your life goals you would talk about:
a) your career.
b) your family and home.
c) space travel, completing your treatment of Jungian analysis, and attending Le Cordon Bleu.
Give yourself 3 for every a) answer; 2 for every b) answer; and, 1 for every c) answer.
21-30: Your lovely placid existence may be keeping you from having a life! Do not back away from adventures, challenges, and whacky fun or you may end up being known to your very few friends as Saint Ambien.
14-20: Grounded and centered with an occasional teensy spark of crazy, you are not the life of the party but your friends find you very easy to be with. Life on an even keel is almost fun with you and you enjoy it reasonably well.
10-13: You are the kind of person who would do well to think twice about your choices, dial the volume down, and buy good life insurance. Your colorful, exuberant lifestyle is fun for yourself and those around you, but you may end up alienating many people and finding yourself hospitalized frequently.