What To Expect When You Didn’t Expect This: Haikus For Midlife And Beyond

Age 40: “Not a Pastry”
What the hell is this?
Never have liked muffin tops,
Least of all on me.

Age 45: “Colonoscopy”
Make the appointment.
Buy lots of toilet paper.
It’s time to get hosed.

Age 50: “Presbyopia”
A font size of four.
What evil mind conceived this?
Pass me my readers.

Age 55: “We’re Out of Metamucil”
My legs are asleep.
This is taking forever.
Late for work again.

Age 60: “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow”
Hair changing color,
Growing where it should not, but
Thin atop my head.                

Age 65: “One Good Everything”
Left thumb predicts rain.                               
So does right hip. What’d you say?
Shout in my good ear.

Age 70: “Relentless Physics”
Every part now sags.
I’m getting shorter each day.
I hate gravity.

Age 75: “Factory Defects”
Warranty ran out.
My knees need replacement parts.
Welcome to old age.

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